Stumbled onto Twilight as an adult

 

I have teased this post a bunch. This was meant to be posted a few weeks ago, but reality got in the way, crappy super hero movies got in the way, it was just not possible. I want to make it clear from the get go; I do not propose that as an adolescent one is unable to understand that the Twilight saga is as ridiculous as they come. A toddler would most likely object to shimmery vampires and oversized furry werewolfies. But there are some things I either do not remember, or had not realised. These are not just hilariously bad movies, they promote incredibly sexist and, ultimately, dangerous views to a very susceptible group of people, teenagers. I am definitely not equipped to discuss this to a deep and meaningful extent, but I can enjoy myself by pointing out details I wished I had picked up on at a younger age. Then again, as I have already established, there is a good chance I had, but do not regard this of myself. I was probably too busy pointing out how much better the Harry Potter saga was. Which, in retrospect, hardly needed advocating.

I will shamefully admit to having voluntary read three out of the four books and having watched (and now, rewatched for the purposes of this blog) four out of five movies. Therefore, in the odd chance that the fourth book and fifth movie are masterpieces, I apologise for all the rage that will follow in this post. However, I have a hunch that I can safely bet on my comments extending to the whole saga. Let me be the first to say it on this blog; the movies are better than the books. And that says a lot. Because the movies are terrible. I cannot forget reading the phrase ‘Looking at him, she forgot how to breathe’, which only worked the one way because the other guy was a vampire and, I assume, didn’t need to breathe. I mean, it is a nice sentiment; I can tell the author felt very proud that she came up with this larger-than-life declaration of love and infatuation. And I can tell because she included it every three pages. I am not exaggerating enough. Bella forgot how to breathe so frequently, that I still worry she had some sort of neurological lesion in her medulla. Most book adaptations leave the fans upset because they compromise character moments for the sake of plot. That is why Ron Weasley ended up being a punchline in the movies and Lupin became nothing more than an extra for the Marauder’s Guild. In this case, however, this is the main reason I have the audacity to claim that the movies are better than the books. They didn’t sacrifice any literate character development from the original text; there wasn’t any! Just a few worrisome respiratory malfunctions. Granted the movies do not compliment the books, as was the case in the Lord of the rings franchise. It might seem that I am trying hard to lose my few, sporadic readers, but even hard-core fans should be able to admit that while Tolkien was a master world builder, character development was not his strong suit. But then, a talented cast and director filled that void for the big screen. The Twilight crew focused on abs and gloomy aesthetics instead.

Now that I have gotten all of that out of my chest, let me get back to my main, newly found concern for this franchise. Actually let me back up and attempt to defend the inclusion of my previous paragraph. I think it is important to comment on the books to explain my focus on this sexist depiction of a love story. Because, I agree, it is hilarious to have actors change into CGI wolves to have a mental conversation, when they could have easily verbalised it out as humans. And, I assume, a lot more costly. But this is not what this post is about. Nor is the acting, not even the plot. Not the fact that the plot frequently moves forward with the power of Google; so long espionage and action films, we can watch actors Google stuff now. You know what? Not even the fact that an adult main character ‘imprints’ on a baby and essentially awaits her adulthood for some sexy time. Sexism is what is up for discussion. Raw, conservative sexism disguised as love and respect.

It was very clear to me as an adolescent that Bella was not a strong female character. Some, as in I, would argue that she didn’t even have a character. This is not just because the writing was bad, I mean it definitely was, but the author has said that her goal was to make her main, female character a white canvas so that every girl could relate to her. She has tooted her own horn by saying she made Kristen Stewart wear brown contact lenses to look more common. Because nothing is more determinant to a character than eye colour. And because that is as far as a little girl’s ability to relate goes; eye colour. This was a sci-fi franchise with a female lead, and all it was, essentially, was a love story and said lead had no interests, passions or idiosyncrasies other than a boy. That is what the author deemed relatable. And rest assured you can relate to all girls at once by just redacting characteristics because all girls are the same, seeing that they are girls. No need for studious Hermione, feisty Ginny, quirky Luna; just have Bella and have everyone love and admire her for no apparent reason. If you think about it, the only reason Bella is a main character is, I think her blood? I know there is a special thing about its smell that makes her irresistible to Edward and his vampire powers do not apply to her. And then for some reason she is the most important person that all must protect and serve. And she is absolutely fine with it; there is literally a scene where she is picked up like a baby and carried atop a mountain by a topless Jacob so her scent can be disguised. Twice. Fuck self-sacrifice, that girl doesn’t even do her own walking.

I think this was something I had picked up on as a teenager. This next bit, I am ashamed to say, I think I had not. The depicted relationship is so toxic that the movie’s age rating worries me. And this is where I will make an assumption, one that I stand by, that the middle aged woman who fantasized about a teenage vampire sweeping her off her feet is a conservative, misogynistic author.

The second book/movie begins with some accident that endangers Bella’s life, sending her vampire suitor into a spiral of guilt and motivating him to leave the town in order to protect her. Bella spends the rest of the movie missing him and seeking adrenaline rushes, which cause visions of her ex-boyfriend. Let’s ignore her insignificant life without a boyfriend and fast forward to the end of the movie, where Edward says he left and tried to kill himself because Bella didn’t put up enough of a fight for him to stay. That is the epitome of emotional manipulation! According to Edward, Bella needs to assert her love for him even more than risking lung failure every three pages by pretty-pleasing him not to leave her. After all, what is love if not imposing your decision to commit suicide onto another person?

Let’s move along to the movie number three. This is where American conservativism really come into play. Abstinence. Bella is pretty-pleasing Edward, this time, to have sex with her, seeing that she is a hormonal 18 year and not a baby he imprinted on, and Edward refuses until she marries him. Because he is romantic, and old-fashioned and respectful. Because sex before marriage is disrespectful to a woman. Edward has had sex before and is not married, but he cannot impose that shame on pure Bella. I will counter-argue that Edward had a tiny pickle and wanted to make sure she would stay with him regardless. Granted, she wants to become a vampire and live with him forever; marriage hardly sounds like a significant commitment when divorces are an option and death is not. But this is still a forced wedding; she doesn’t want to marry that young and he makes marriage the clause to giving her what she wants; eternal life and an orgasm. An eternal orgasm, if you will.

Let’s finish up with movie number four. Unfortunately, I have yet to see the fifth one, I hope it wouldn’t have given me anything to add to this because I don’t think I could take it. This is where the franchise does not hold back. It has made a conscious decision to promote violence within a couple and the high-point of emotional manipulation. Bella has agreed to marry Edward and is still begging him to have sex with her as a human, in a very PG manner, almost intentionally leaving space in the pop-culture space-time continuum for an S&M spinoff to occur in a couple of years. Edward refuses, as his super-hard, super-intense vampire sex might be too much for her. Talk about a sex-deprived author. Eventually he gives in, and the next scene is Bella waking up in bruises and the honeymoon suite in ruin. And no, this is not the S&M spinoff I was referring to; these conservative-friendly characters are not into S&M at all. Edward just can’t help himself beating up his partner during sex. He is heart-broken and Bella has to comfort him. The focus of the narrative is poor Edward that has to live with himself for beating up his wife, because of his unfortunate nature. These are literal, visual scenes in a movie primarily targeted to teenagers. Bella is chasing him around the room trying to make him feel better, assuring him that she doesn’t mind (once again, not specifically enjoys) the beating she has to endure for a bit of downstairs action. She will put up with sexual violence because she loves him and he loves her and she understands that he can’t control himself. I can’t believe I am saying this, but I think ’50 Shades of Grey’ actually fixed Twilight. It took this clearly demented aspect of their relationship and made it a conscious, kinky adventure. I’ll take it; that is actually much, much better!

This is hilarious to watch but scary to think about. Since the very first movie Bella’s boyfriend disregards her boundaries, ignores her wants and imposes his own clauses, all because he loves her, knows better and wishes to protect her. If this is not the sexist agenda that was employed to restrict and control women years before these books were written, I don’t know what is. And the given excuse is that Edward is a hundred-year-old vampire. As if that is not creepy enough as it is. The only character I like in this saga of misinstruction to young girls, possibly beginning their romantic lives is Bella’s dad. He is made into a bit of a joke, but is the only one with half-decent reactions; he even tries to give Bella a sex-talk and talk her out of a premature wedding.

I am well-aware how outdated this post is and how it might seem that I got unnecessarily frustrated with these movies, but I remember how much of a phenomenon they were. I remember that a lot of these details were foregone in the name of romance and how a lot of us were either ‘Team Jacob’ or ‘Team Edward’. I haven’t discussed Jacob as much but he was equally controlling, manipulative and toxic. Even if a tiny bit of that sexism becomes normalised to young, suggestible minds, I think that is problematic. That is what pissed me off. And now, I can sufficiently justify spending over six hours watching these movies below my age-range as ‘research’. Research and my love for cringe-worthiness.