Stumbled on to the 'Fan Favourite Movie' and the 'Oscar Cheer Moment' Academy Awards

 

I think I very briefly commented on the diminishing relevance of the Oscars on my previous post on Will Smith's exchange with Chris Rock. Not to me; I wasn't even caught up this year and this is my second post on the matter. But to people with lives and better priorities than myself. The Oscars are aware that they are becoming less popular, and are trying to fix the problem any way possible. This year they, thankfully, brought back hosts and cut down runtime. Unfortunately they thought the best way to cut down runtime was to downgrade a bunch of awards that would honestly benefit from the exposure a lot more that those they kept. They also had the greatest of ideas, to introduce two new awards; the 'Fan Favourite Movie' and 'Oscar Cheer Moment' awards, in an attempt to engage younger people and celebrate the current zeitgeist that frequently fails to coincide with their own set criteria. 

Had this award been around in 2020, we all know  'Endgame' would have won. Endgame was more than a movie; it was a landmark, it was an event, it was a moment preceded by a a 12 year build-up. And for all the weight of expectations, it was a triumph. When I had walked out of the theatre, I remember feeling upset for two reasons; first of all, that passive experience was one of the best of my life, so I should maybe get a more exciting life, but most importantly, never would I ever have a similar cinematic experience. We were all on the same page, cheering, crying, all of it like a unit. It had been so intense and emotional I remember my arrythmia had kicked in. But I was wrong. 'No Way Home' came by two years later to give me a similar experience. It might have not been obvious up to now, but this is another hate post towards Zack Snyder!

I know it wasn't just me. I can tell that the Academy had this in mind when creating these awards. You don't need to follow superhero movies to know that 'No Way Home' did it all for people that grew up with Tobey Maguire, those that know Andrew Garfield was not given a real chance, but also, a great movie if Tom Holland was the only Spiderman you ever knew! It was flawless. People did literally cheer when we saw the other Spideys show up, and even though I favour Garfield, I will say it; the Oscar cheer moment was when Tobey Maguire showed up. I cheered hardest then also. I think my 84 year old dad is the only person I know that did not watch that movie. And then we find out that a movie called 'Army of the Dead' (had to google it twice, because it just won't register) won? And the cheer moment was the Flash entering the speed force? FUCK NO! No one is invested in the Flash (not his fault, the foundation isn't there) and we are comparing that with the greatest nod to nostalgia we have ever seen in a superhero movie! 

This isn't so much Zack Snyder's fault, but the fans. You know what? I take that back, it sort of is! He has made this into a cult, where people act in ways to ensure his fragile ego is not shattered. I am glad this backfired on the Academy, incredibly upset, but glad in a way. Make this award legitimate and don't embarrass yourselves by awarding a sci-fi movie NERDS haven't even heard of (which is sort of our thing) as fan favourite, and failing to acknowledge another incredible movie in the superhero genre just because you do not know how to deal with it.

Ok. Time to calm down. Well, it was time to calm down at least a paragraph ago, so let's re-write that as time to invest in some ginger tea and relaxing music. Not Hallelujah though, because that has been forever ruined. 

Stumbled onto Will Smith's palm (or knucles, it is unclear)

 

As in 'Chris Rock stumbled onto Will Smith's palm or knuckles (it is unclear). No need to go over what happened, if the memes have not informed you yet, it is probably by choice.

There isn't too much to be said that has not already been said, but when did that ever stop me from writing a blog post? However, I am in celebratory mood as I feel like this unfortunate incident shows that most of us are still on the right side of free speech. For all the worry that political correctness can harm comedy and free speech, most people were quick to condemn a violent reaction to an offensive joke. And that is either a reason to celebrate, or extremely low standards. Okay, my celebratory mood has soured; I was worried this post would be all too pleasant and cheery and no one clicked on this for positive sentiments.

Whether the G.I Jane joke was insensitive, in bad taste or simply inappropriate is a separate issue altogether,. The irony of it is, had Will Smith not physically assaulted a comedian during a public event, televised across the globe and cemented online forever, he and his wife would have probably gotten a lot more justice than they did. The topic of discussion would have been whether the joke was indeed insensitive, in bad taste or simply inappropriate, Chris Rock would have alienated like-minded viewers and Will Smith would not have made a speech about what a good knight in shining armour he considers himself to be but maybe shown some good old humility. So shining was that armour that it could not help but distract from the rest of the evening. So what if people had worked really hard for a bunch of awards, who would pay attention after Will Smith threw decency out the window and skyrocketed Chris Brown's ticket prices to over 300 dollars? Although to be fair, a lot of those who worked that hard were deemed unworthy to be awarded along with the pretty, famous people. So maybe Will Smith was, in reality, mad about that because he is sure shown laughing at the G. I. Jane joke initially. Even so, we didn't see Villneuve instruct mechanical sandworms to trash the stage, and we wanted to. Let's see if Chalamet really is the chosen one.

The Academy's reaction, however, is what is ultimately wrong with the whole situation. The reaction any self-respecting organisation would have had to someone they invited being assaulted would have been to remove that now considered dangerous individual out of the room. But the little whoopsie-daisy was that this just happened to be a beloved famous person. Interestingly, this is probably why Will Smith felt comfortable doing that in the first place. Whether they recall his Academy Award or not is, frankly, relatively irrelevant; the statement has been made and the example has been set. They were just slow; frozen when they would have to apply common measures to someone much less common. And that is why the Oscar's are becoming less relevant. And now that I have solved all the problems I can pat myself on the back and go have something carbohydrate-based.

I am not necessarily a fan of Chris Rock, by the way, he has felt outdated in anything recent I have seen him in. I am also a bit upset with him for saying the whole Tonight Show debacle was Conan's fault on 'Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee' and I am therefore very proud to not have let these treacherous claims cloud my judgement. I have also managed to watch Seinfeld and the aforementioned show (CiCGC) even though Jerry Seinfeld also backed Jay Leno after the whole thing. Look how much I have grown! Well, not enough to not bring up Conan O'Brien even though he couldn't be any less relevant, but that is because I want to leave some room for growth to keep my readers engaged. Spoiler alert, not going to happen.

Stumbled onto the Vampman, I mean Batman

To start off, let me just say that I have enjoyed Robert Pattinson in everything he has done apart from Twilight, I just couldn't resist that cheap shot. There is something very appropriate about casting an ex-vampire as the bat crusader. 

I really liked the movie. Was it a bit on the nose with the 'I am a dark movie, feel the depression oozing out of me' theme as most DC movies are? Yes. Was Batman ultimately useless in preventing crime? Also yes. But it was a nice, dare I say, fresh take, with a moody Bruce Wayne that reflected the rich orphan aspect of his character and a great film noir essence that highlighted Batman as Gotham's greatest detective apart from a supercool Punchkicker dude (or Kinchpuncher, based on which of the two you preferred in Community), which he also was. Loved those scenes.

I really liked Robert Pattinson and all of the support cast! Zero complaints overall and I didn't even recognise Colin Farrell. That SFX team did great, but also how did he make that sexy, Irish accent into a New York-Italian hybrid turnoff? Very appropriate. And I will once again fail to resist the unecessary, demeaning reference, but Pattinson's Batman and Kravitz' Catwoman? Still a better love story than Twilight.

One thing I could complain about was. honestly, my bad. I confused Falcone and Maroni because both names sounded similar (this makes less sense when you see them spelt out), so while the rest of the theatre was enjoying a plot twist, I was wondering why this mobster was referring to himself in the third person; I assumed it was a Mafia boss thing, I still haven't seen the Godfather. But even so, I couldn't understand why he was incriminating himself while wearing sunglasses indoors. Still waiting for clarification on those sunglasses. Also, and this is a reasonable complaint, rat with wings? Could the Riddler have more obviously meant a bat? Greatest detective alert.

Anyway, it is time I accept my crusade to keep Ben Affleck as the Batman seems to have failed. At least Pattinson is a worthy replacement and I am curious to see what comes next. 

Stumbled onto the Encanto Oscar nomination...

 ... and my very own conspiracy theory.

I have decided to make these shorter for my sake and whoever is kind enough to continue reading these needless posts of mine. 

The past few years I have tried to be well versed in each years Oscar's nominations, so I can have an informed Oscar pool and, consequently, free drinks next time I go out with friends. This year has gone terribly, I have seen embarrassingly few nominated movies, one of which is Encanto, because I even prioritised the ones directed towards children.

I was not crazy about the movie. It felt very meh. The plot and life lessons were meh. What was certainly not meh was the music. Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote the music, so the music was ...enchanting. Rightfully so, one of those songs is nominated for Best Original Song this year, against 'No Time to Die', atmospherically sung by Billie Eillish. But, was it the best Encanto song that was selected to compete with the Bond theme? Was it the pop beat that could easily dominate the radio while still narrating a character's search for purpose beyond her superhuman gift and articulating the anxiety that chaperones success? (cough, cough, Miranda). What about the earworm Latin number with voices over voices over voices making up an unprecedented sound for a Disney movie, with Miranda's signature witty lyrics? No. The ballad is what is nominated. The forgettable ballad. Not a bad ballad. But certainly not the amazing track that the aforementioned songs or at the very least 'Family Madrigal' were. 

Here is the conspiracy. This is a all an Oscar's ruse to make sure that Bond wins. I think it would anyway, that song has been very successful. But I believe they eradicated the competition so no one will question these results. Because both 'Surface Pressure' and 'We don't talk about Bruno' could take it. I am convinced this goes all the way back to the Queen; she and Daniel Craig share a bond since he parachuted her down at the Olympics. I know I sound insane, but do I sound more insane than Lin-Manuel Miranda having zero Academy Awards after Moana and Encanto? I think not!

Stumbled onto the last Bond movie

I missed the cinema. I missed the smell of popcorn, I missed having to turn my phone off (well, put it on silent anyway) and give my full attention to a movie for a certain amount of time. COVID took that away from me. This was not the first movie I watched at a movie theatre post COVID, but from what I have gathered it certainly was thought of as the saviour of the big screen. Was it the fact that this is Daniel Craig's last ride? Was it that not everyone thinks Blockbusters should solely consist of superhero movies? Was it the discounted popcorn that Vue cinemas advertised? We will never know. My money is on the popcorn. 

Consider this a spoiler warning, just because my mother took it upon herself to give away the ending to a whole doctor's lounge and in no way do I want to associate with that type of behaviour. You have been warned. Stop reading. Consider this a second warning. Bond dies.

I have frequently said that I am a nerd and I am a nerd about a ton of nerdy things. I am not a Bond nerd though. I haven't seen Sean Connery's films, I have seen some of Pierce Brosnan and all of Daniel Craig's, but I suspect I couldn't follow Matt Gourley's 'James Bonding' podcast. And I really want to, so I might just have to sit down and watch all of them. I know that some people object to the Daniel Craig take, where Bond is psychologically complex, flawed and physically built to actually look able to carry out all those chases and getaways. I, however, think that these are necessary aspects of an intriguing character in 2021. If James Gunn could make a fuchsia space starfish relatable, James Bond can afford to get a couple of bruises after the bad guys get him. And I will definitely not complain about the less sexist lens to the character, you know, the one where women can do a bit more than just sleep with him and maybe even provoke an emotional response from time to time. 

I thought the movie was great. The hours flew by, the action sequences were fun, the scenery and soundtrack were beautiful and the new characters were likeable. Not the bad guy who was way into plants. I never trusted plant people, it seems so boring a pastime, there must be something sinister going on. But Ana de Armas and Lashana Lynch's characters were amazing and they both had so different and so enjoyable interactions with the main character. And the movie actually got a few tears out of me. I am not saying that was an impossible feat, but it's not like Pixar made the movie and it was therefore a given. I would like to know, if anyone has this information, whether the daughter's eyes were edited post production or they literally searched for a child with Daniel Craig's captivating eyes. He is an amazing Bond and I am not only saying this because he is as hot as he is. Even though I said this right after the captivating eyes comment. He is very hot. I remember a time when people complained that James Bond would be blonde this time round, no wonder the same idiots had a nervous breakdown about a black woman getting the 007 title. 

I am grateful to this film for getting the movie-going rolling. I might be hesitant of small indoor spaces, but very eager to go to as many as there are as long as there is a a big screen at the very front, a smell of fake butter in the air and a bathroom near by, because we all know they water down those Cokes and Sprites.

Stumbled onto Walking Dead

I just want to make one thing clear. I did not run out of ideas, inspiration, time and motivation, hence the hiatus. This was a conscious decision to attenuate the importance of my Conan post, to underline the cultural gap left by American Ginger, to magnify his impact on the comedy scene. No, this was not a holiday break from the blog that turned into abandonment, this was a statement! That statement is that Conan O'Brien's departure from late night should not be taken lightly. 

So what else has happened this summer other than my mourning of the 'Conan' show? And doubt not; I have mourned. Well, I watched all of Walking Dead for starters. And I have questions. My main question is why nobody told me to start the show when Game of Thrones ended  and I needed to fill that void? I wasn't into Game of Thrones for the boobs to begin with, and Walking Dead had plenty of main character deaths, a wee amount of ethical dilemmas a GREAT amount of gore and zombies. And for the first few seasons Walking Dead had plenty of nice plot twists. It eventually dived into repetition but it's not like Game of Thrones didn't; those unexpected armies that unexpectedly infiltrated battles got less and less unexpected. 

My second question is whether we are all in agreement that men can have abs, turquoise eyes, the heights of giants, brains, humour and chivalry, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan would still be the sexiest man to have existed. Best casting decision ever, because no way would I be rooting for the mass murderer that batted my favourite character to death if it wasn't portrayed by that Lucille-loving bastard. Also, are all Arrested Development fans in agreement that the name 'Lucille' has been forever ruined?

My third question is more relevant to the storyline. One had to be. And it is how come they abandon solutions that have worked for them in the past. It seems that looking and smelling like zombies is a 'do not die' card that should have been played a lot more times during the run of the show. They stumble onto that idea quite early, but do not pay it much of an homage, not as much as that alphabet group did. There is an attempt to hold onto their humanity, which I understand, but you know, how about when they go on food hunts? It doubles as a way to keep those that go get the food from eating it all.

I found out a few things about myself; first of all, I can actually like many characters I initially found annoying as long as Norman Reedus does at some point. Next, even though Andrew Lincoln has, I think, a punchable face, I am very much rooting for his return. Lastly, I have realised I would be useless in a zombie apocalypse. My main plan of survival is I would survive until I could get to a spot where I could relieve myself of my breathing duties, as you say, in the least disgusting and absolutely least painful way possible. Not a Gryffindor.  

I am looking forward to the rest of the season, have no idea which way things will swing, as I know the zombie apocalypse does not end from 'The Walking Dead: World Beyond'. There just seems to be no time; we need some sort of a happy ending, even partly so, explanations about a huge number of things and Jeffrey Dean Morgan to die and be somehow redeemed. Or not. If he is not, that will be very interesting. Possibly also disappointing. But certainly interesting. But, let's have him redeemed. 

Stumbled onto superheroes at the movies

Covid has had many impacts on me, the main of which was my reluctance to go to the movies. Second impact on the list is fear of dying. That inevitably meant that I fell behind on my watchlist, opting for Seinfeld reruns on Netflix. Now, technically, these are not called reruns because they are on Netflix and therefore on demand. But as I remember a time where reruns were the way to watch Seinfeld, I am sticking with the 'rerun' sentiment. You might be wondering why I have spent a whole paragraph on Seinfeld instead of the three movies which I recently caught up on and intended to discuss. It is simple, really; the same procrastination that has affected my viewings is featured on this post for your benefit. So you can relate. I will get to it though, I promise. But as a final note on Seinfeld, I am just wondering if it's worrying that I relate with George Costanza and Larry David as much as I do; you don't need to answer that. It is.

The three movies in question are 'Black Widow' (I have been procrastinating for a long time, baby), 'Suicide Squad' and 'Venom: Let There Be Carnage'. Oddly enough, this is also their order of interest to me, with 'Black Widow' being the movie I cannot believe it took me so long to watch. I was trying to coordinate with other MCU friends and life got in the way. And by 'life' I mean 'Hamilton'. We just watched 'Hamilton' over and over again instead. 'Black Widow' was... classic; it was a superhero movie as we know them. Not that that is a bad thing; I miss those every now and then. I maybe wanted something more though, because of this being the first female lead in the MCU (I know, I don't care), because Black Widow is such an awesome character and because Scarlett Johansson is amazing at all of it and deserved that Oscar two years ago and I am still not over it. But yeah, the movie felt like formula and the problems with these things is that, as you get older, you start to notice little nuisances more easily. Like the fact that we see Natasha right before General Ross arrives to arrest her, and then we see her free and ready for Infinity War. But did she fight all of General Ross' team and got away? Did she break out of prison? Wouldn't these be incredibly awesome stuff for us to see? Also, I had not taken a stand on this but it seems I now have to; the accents. There is an argument currently made about whether it is worth having actors fake an accent, rather than just having an unspoken agreement among us that we will pretend they are using an accent. Here is where I am at. I see the benefit of them putting on a fake accent for realism purposes, only if it is indeed realistic. But having English and American actors all fake a Russian accent whilst speaking amongst themselves is just ridiculous. If they are all Russian, why not speak Russian? If the answer is 'let's ditch the realism and go for the most popular language in the world for the audience's sake' let's ditch the realism and have them use their own accents. Those were the main nuisances for me. But I did like it so, I will say this; while a common complaint is that the villain needlessly goes through the trouble to lay out their evil plan for the main character, I think that worked wonders here. Because that is Romanoff's skillset; because when she said 'Thank you for your cooperation' I was so happy I almost pooped. But didn't. I stand by that statement. I will also admit that I quite liked the feminist allegory; I know it's a shallow superhero movie, don't hate me, but it just felt appropriate for this character's backstory. But yeah, no real stakes, no real depth to the characters and overall, it was just not one of the most special MCU releases.

'Suicide Squad 2' I was excited for, not because I have any trust in the DCEU, Warner Bros or these characters in particular. But I have a great deal of trust in James Gunn. I fucking love James Gunn's style; 'Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1.2' don't get enough credit and they get plenty of credit. Here is pretty much the aftertaste I had from this movie. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it; the direction, the banter, Idris Elba's biceps, but that movie was absolutely pointless. The characters were pointless, the relationships they developed were pointless, the plot was pointless, the fight scenes were underwhelming; I should have opened a thesaurus sometime after the second use of the word pointless. I loved Starro as the main villain and loved that it was given such humanity at the very end. Yes, the psychedelic, giant, squid-like, star-shaped, alien monster had a killer final line. Only James Gunn can bring such emotionality to an otherwise seemingly unsophisticated script. Remember how we all cried when Yondu died? And because all of us were crying no one made fun of us for doing so? Good times.

You see how my paragraph length corresponds to my interest in these movies as stated above? Expect a maximum of three sentences for Venom, I guess. I had written a whole blog post for the first installation, saying that while it was by no means a good movie, it had a lot of potential. So I have lied; I was actually quite excited for this movie. I had sort of placed my bets that this sequel would take all that worked from the first Venom movie and implement it in a good storyline with an interesting villain. Imagine my disappointment when all reviews said that this was so much worse than the first movie. Imagine how I felt when I finally watched it. I felt disappointed, I felt betrayed, I felt exposed, I felt discredited and I also felt right back where I was three years ago. Sticking up for an obviously bad movie, which, however, has just so much potential! The symbiote is a joy to watch, Tom Hardy playing a loser is great fun and the buddy-cop/split-personality relationship would work so well if Sony Pictures would just give this franchise a fair chance. Come on Sony! We are already mad at you for being a potential obstacle to Spidey's Avenger membership; give us a Venom movie with some heart.

"Why did I just waste ten minutes reading this disjointed, superficial commentary on three superhero films that I probably already have a much better articulated opinion on?", you may ask. The only explanation I have is that I hadn't posted anything in over four months and you were wondering if during this break I suddenly got better at writing. Well, joke is on you, nothing's changed. But I did miss geeking out and pretending to have an audience, so feel free to keep checking :) .