This would have properly been a post in anticipation of the
Oscar’s this Sunday, but I had much greater things to discuss that required
immediate attention (that, and I haven’t covered as much ground with the nominated films as last year).
And is there any greater idea in human history than food delivery to your door?
Is there any progression more important than food delivery apps? Be it
Deliveroo, Uber eats, e-food, Wolt, Domino’s house system or any of the lesser
known ones, they have taken the one necessary trouble of eating in out of the
equation; human contact. I would not dare extensively complain for this feat of
humanity; in all the good it has done for me, I can take a few mishaps here and
there. But some are just funny, and deserve to be mocked. Lovingly and respectfully,
but mocked nonetheless.
One such instance was this weekend. Let me start by saying
that I was once again attempting a vegan month. Notice the past tense in that
sentence. I have prior managed a maximum of 22 consecutive days, but this time
round motivation was scarce. I lasted a good four and a half days. And yes, the
half day counts, because I didn’t add feta cheese to my aubergines and it
deeply pained me. I had already given in to cheese, eggs, milk, chocolate and meat by Sunday
night, but they were all on the relatively healthy side. This is what I tell
myself to make me feel better for my nutritional treason. Nonetheless, Sunday
evening I was to be healthy and, frankly, vegan once more with a roasted sweet
potato and carrot soup. But then McDonald’s was suggested and it all went south.
Who in their right mind would stick to their 'liquid vegetable' guns instead of
that sweet, fake, plastic chicken nugget? These were great, by the way;
excellent chicken nuggets by the old fast food clown. The problem was with the
sweet, fake, plastic hamburgers we ordered. More specifically, with the
filling. Meaning the lack of filling. We literally got two empty buns. No
toppings, no burger, just bread. And listen, I am very understanding; Covid has
obviously placed a huge amount of pressure on fast food chains and delivery
services and mistakes are bound to happen. I can handle mustard sauce instead
of mayo, but I most definitely need something to spread either on top. This was
another level of forgetfulness or, as I like to imagine, another level of
vengeance from a fed-up employ. I like to think they sent out empty burgers all
around the area as a small-scale plot to cause an uprising and, slowly but
surely, begin their world domination. Maybe I am enjoying this prospect so much,
because I, for one, got the chicken nuggets, which, as I mentioned, were
excellent.
This was not my first time dealing with main ingredients
missing. Again, mistakes are justified, especially in times of pressure, as
long as they regard the secondary characteristics of the junk food. A couple of
years ago, back in Guildford we had made one of our standard Domino’s orders.
They were relatively frequent, now that I think of it; I am not sure how well
this reflects on us. We would always go for Pepperoni Passion, and at this
stage, I would like to ask anyone who isn’t on a special diet, why they
wouldn’t go for pepperoni in an American style pizza. It should be a
prerequisite. We ordered our two pepperoni pizzas, waited for ages because it
was a busy night and when the pizza finally arrived, noticed something missing.
The pepperoni. The sole topping of the pizza. Nothing in its place. In
retrospect, and after my recent McDonald’s experience I guess I should be
grateful there was any dough in the box to begin with. We called the store and
they informed us that they had just run out of pepperoni, so they proceeded to
send the order ahead without it. So there was a logic behind it; but not a
particularly good one. What were the chances we would appreciate this imaginative solution in that particular case? Thankfully, a friend took it upon himself to
call the store and deal with it, because deep inside I know that, had I called, I would most likely have ended up apologising for asking for pepperoni in the first place. The
outcome that night was excellent; I got reimbursed, I think they brought us new pepperoni pizzas (including pepperoni this time), we kept the pepperoni-less ones
as well and also got a voucher for two free pizzas at another time. Which is
precisely why I am adamant; these stories are more entertaining than a trouble
with the system. I am still eternally grateful for food delivery.
I guess the McDonald’s mishap was a necessary slap in the
face for betraying my healthy soup alternative. I don’t remember what kind of
karma I might have been paying back at those Domino’s days, but I have no doubt
in my mind that there might have been a fresh salad that I discarded for the
sake of fried carbs. I might have created some brand new karma by manically
laughing during both those scenarios’ instead of sharing other people’s
frustration, but then again Joaquin Phoenix got an Oscar for similar
behaviour’s in ‘The Joker’. I managed to squeeze a pop-culture, Oscar-related
reference at the very last minute. All is in order. Unlike the orders I
described.
I feel sad
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