You know how the most generic and uninteresting topic of
covnersation is the weather? Well, this is a post about the weather! Feel free to
quit your reading, unless you are a Captain Holt-like figure and the only thing
you’d enjoy more than reading about the weather, is visiting a museum for
barrels. The weather has become a much saucier topic as of late; some say it’s because
of dangerous global warming, some say its spicy Jewish space lasers (or however
US congresswoman Greene calls lightning nowadays) and some say its enigmatic,
fake, plastic snow (the brand new addition to the weather conspiracy genre). Who
knows what it may be? Let’s look at it this way; which one of these is more
fun?
Greece is a warm country; warm enough that it has rendered a
large amount of my clothes from England useless. I try to wear them as much as
I can; thankfully my attic of residence is freezing and I make good use of my
pashminas as blankets. And let’s be honest, they are much more functional as
blankets. And while we had all given up on a proper winter with a ‘frightful
weather’ and a ‘delightful fire’, we all indeed had no place to go and so a
week ago we let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. It was freezing and wet and
obstructive and perfect in every way. I love the snow, it does to the scenery what
a beard does to male faces. It makes everything look a bit more charming and
laid back. Also, this was the perfect time to have a nephew under four years of
age, because he could somewhat match my excitement, and a newfoundland, because
she certainly surpassed my excitement. I say ‘somewhat’ for my nephew because,
unlike me, he did not appreciate the outfit he had to wear. Those days of snow
were educational too; I found out I do not know how to make a proper snowman.
You know, the three perfectly round balls in descending order, a carrot nose
that actually stays in place and cheery tree branches that don’t look like the
snowman is begging for the sweet relief of death. Snow came at a great time as
well; lockdown has made it much harder to post compelling Instagram posts.
Honestly, I think we all felt refreshed with this new element in our lives for
a couple of days. That is, all that still had electricity. Greece is not very
well prepared for such events and I think we currently have lasting damage
because of the snow. But that’s the beauty of it; you can’t stay mad at the
snow the way you would at a flood or hurricane.
The snow lasted for a couple of days and I was expecting a slow
and steady return to normal temperatures. I kept my coat out, I made the manufacturer-approved
use of the car’s glove compartment for the first time in my life and I
prioritised my normal December-London clothing. And of course, it took no more
than three days for the weather to be inappropriately warm again! In a period
of a week we went from snow and hot chocolate to sun and cold brews. I mean,
others did, I drink warm tea well into summer. It would all be good fun if
there wasn’t a deadly virus on the rise and the cold we are all bound to catch
from these unpredictable circumstances wouldn’t throw me in a state of panic
every morning when I wake up with a bit of a blocked nose.
[Pause to check that I can hold my breath for ten seconds. Is
that an outdated way to check for Covid?]
While this, for some, is clear evidence of global warming
and the need to change our humanly flawed ways, some geniuses in Texas decided
that the snow must be fake. Apparently some people were baffled by its
reluctance to melt at contact, regardless of basic physics and the freezing
temperature. Both elitist measures, I suppose. They started talking of fake
plastic snow, put in place by the government to scare us into believing in
global warming and once again blamed it on Bill Gates. It is interesting that
they say those prone to conspiracy theories are less educated; were they more
educated they could come up with a couple more people of science to blame fake
snow with. What I was unaware of until a couple of days ago, though, is that
Greece had also followed suit and decided our snow was fake too. And this is
where I say, how dare you? Snow is a gift, snowballs are smaller gifts we give (throw,
really) to one another and snowmen are, well, abominations but we still enjoy
making them! Also, fake snow exists! It looks like shaving foam and is
disgusting to touch. Real fake snow (that sentence hurt my head) would be a
valid source of complaints. But otherwise, if the government wants to upgrade
fake snow and drop it every year around Christmas, I’m all for it.
We are back to our normal, warm, sunny days that make
lockdown all the more frustrating. Parks in Athens have never before been as
busy and appreciated. I wasn’t even aware we had so many. I know the weather is
boring, but I am just feeling a bit extra grateful today for being where I am
during a pandemic. This is because I am comparing it to a tiny flat in a very
wet London. This all makes perfect sense to me. You on the other hand, if you
have read this far, probably just have a weird weather fetish.
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