Stumbled onto Warner Bros further losing the Superhero game

 

I tried to pretend it wasn't so, but the superhero genre is in crisis. If I haven't been to see Black Panther and yet have not heard any spoilers, then it must be a fast-withering genre. Maybe it's true, maybe it has become saturated. Maybe Endgame was just the conclusion that made us all, um, conclude. There are still interesting developments; the Disney+ series, the Spiderman movie, Batman I suppose. But Warner Bros seems to keep getting it wrong, alienating critics and now fans as well.

It has been a turbulent week. Wonder Woman 3 has been cancelled which is probably the best idea the studio has had in some time considering Wonder Woman 1984 was that 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban' spell; Expecto Patronum. However, cancelling a project already underway and having the creator, Patty Jenkins, clear the air with a statement so pacific you want to hire whatever lawyer Warner Bros has writing up their contracts, I have doubts this is a positive indication for the studio going forward.

Even more turbulent, a short while back there was a Black Adam post-credit scene that indicated Henry Cavill who had previously broken his Superman contract because it was a piece of crap, would return as Superman. I am not sure what said indication was, because if I did not watch Black Panther, I most certainly did not watch the Rock starring in a DC movie. Then, Henry Cavill announced he would return as Superman and around the same time he would have to leave the role of the Witcher. These two might be independent decisions, but fans certainly do not see it as such. Today Cavill stated he would actually not return as Superman; he had been encouraged to announce his return prior to signing a contract. The studio and James Gunn are apparently interested in a younger Superman at this time, but not severing all relationships with Cavill for the future. The Henry Cavill-Warner Bros off-again-on-again relationship is worse than that of Elliot and JD; I am tired of everyone going the Ross and Rachel example. 

Is Henry Cavill a bit of a dum-dum to do whatever actions he did without a contract? Possibly. Can he kick my ass for calling him a dum-dum? Certainly. As much as I love James Gunn, this is probably the least I have liked him and this is a man that has been cancelled for pedophile jokes. A friend suggested that he is most likely focused on elongating his own contract, hence the younger Superman storyline. prepubescent Superman will certainly be a new approach. Looking forward to that seismic voice crack.

My hope for DC has taken many hits, the remedy for which has long been James Gunn. I therefore chose to blame the studio entirely, remaining objective as always, and hope that he will sparkle some of that soundtrack magic onto these projects. But it seems a lot of people have been fucked. Thankfully, they are all super rich, so mourning is only necessary for the Witcher casting the second hottest Hemsworth sibling, when the eldest would not need a blonde wig!

Stumbled onto murder crimes solved by the elderly

 

Blah blah, humorous excuse for not having posted in nine months, blah blah, passive aggressive comment to my friends who don't bother to read this, blah blah declaration that I will now do this more regularly. And now the post.

I do not like gore. I also seldom like psychotic mysteries that suggest at least one of my acquaintances is likely to murder me with a ladle. That is how much I dislike gore; the best murder weapon I could consider for this hypothetical scenario is a ladle. I like to trust people. Trusting people has sometimes backfired but to nothing life-threatening as of now. This is the reason I have not managed to indulge in the ever-growing genre of true crime. Not much of fake crime either. But I have recently come across a lovely symbiote, an accompanying genre that manages to take a lot of the negativity out of the equation. Even though murder mysteries solved by elder people sounds quite niche and specific, I somehow found myself both reading such novels and watching such a series at the same time. Richard Osman's 'Thursday Murder Club' book series and 'Murders in the building' series series came to me at the same time, as if to provide a gateway to the current zeitgeist and an odd feeling of comfort when the rest of the world is disgusting. 

Is it because elderly heroes further allow me to distance myself? I am certainly not elderly, even though my habits might suggest otherwise. But I think it is that these characters are allowed to show compassion in a non-turbulent manner. For example, the Thursday Murder Club books show a group of four people that might not have crossed paths otherwise enjoy themselves and focus on their companionship rather than their differences. There is also plenty of room for dad-joke comedy for this dad-joke enthusiast. These characters have less to lose, as if reaching that old age is an opportunity to revert themselves to beautifully childlike reactions. They are also the most inconspicuous detectives, an undetected threat. And the greatest of opportunities to laugh with boomers. Martin Short, for example, is a joy to watch, a comedic genius ready to poke fun at himself at all times and enjoying the hell out of it. So is Steve Martin and Ron, Abraham, Elizabeth and Joyce, but Martin Short has the boyish enthusiasm that perfectly explains this sentiment that I got from the subcategory of this otherwise gruesome genre. 

This is a plea; join me in a cosiness provided by this unlikely pairing. It is almost Christmas, a time most fitting for a sweet novel about four misfits in a retirement village or two grandparents who enter the world of podcasting. And Selena Gomez. 

Stumbled on to the 'Fan Favourite Movie' and the 'Oscar Cheer Moment' Academy Awards

 

I think I very briefly commented on the diminishing relevance of the Oscars on my previous post on Will Smith's exchange with Chris Rock. Not to me; I wasn't even caught up this year and this is my second post on the matter. But to people with lives and better priorities than myself. The Oscars are aware that they are becoming less popular, and are trying to fix the problem any way possible. This year they, thankfully, brought back hosts and cut down runtime. Unfortunately they thought the best way to cut down runtime was to downgrade a bunch of awards that would honestly benefit from the exposure a lot more that those they kept. They also had the greatest of ideas, to introduce two new awards; the 'Fan Favourite Movie' and 'Oscar Cheer Moment' awards, in an attempt to engage younger people and celebrate the current zeitgeist that frequently fails to coincide with their own set criteria. 

Had this award been around in 2020, we all know  'Endgame' would have won. Endgame was more than a movie; it was a landmark, it was an event, it was a moment preceded by a a 12 year build-up. And for all the weight of expectations, it was a triumph. When I had walked out of the theatre, I remember feeling upset for two reasons; first of all, that passive experience was one of the best of my life, so I should maybe get a more exciting life, but most importantly, never would I ever have a similar cinematic experience. We were all on the same page, cheering, crying, all of it like a unit. It had been so intense and emotional I remember my arrythmia had kicked in. But I was wrong. 'No Way Home' came by two years later to give me a similar experience. It might have not been obvious up to now, but this is another hate post towards Zack Snyder!

I know it wasn't just me. I can tell that the Academy had this in mind when creating these awards. You don't need to follow superhero movies to know that 'No Way Home' did it all for people that grew up with Tobey Maguire, those that know Andrew Garfield was not given a real chance, but also, a great movie if Tom Holland was the only Spiderman you ever knew! It was flawless. People did literally cheer when we saw the other Spideys show up, and even though I favour Garfield, I will say it; the Oscar cheer moment was when Tobey Maguire showed up. I cheered hardest then also. I think my 84 year old dad is the only person I know that did not watch that movie. And then we find out that a movie called 'Army of the Dead' (had to google it twice, because it just won't register) won? And the cheer moment was the Flash entering the speed force? FUCK NO! No one is invested in the Flash (not his fault, the foundation isn't there) and we are comparing that with the greatest nod to nostalgia we have ever seen in a superhero movie! 

This isn't so much Zack Snyder's fault, but the fans. You know what? I take that back, it sort of is! He has made this into a cult, where people act in ways to ensure his fragile ego is not shattered. I am glad this backfired on the Academy, incredibly upset, but glad in a way. Make this award legitimate and don't embarrass yourselves by awarding a sci-fi movie NERDS haven't even heard of (which is sort of our thing) as fan favourite, and failing to acknowledge another incredible movie in the superhero genre just because you do not know how to deal with it.

Ok. Time to calm down. Well, it was time to calm down at least a paragraph ago, so let's re-write that as time to invest in some ginger tea and relaxing music. Not Hallelujah though, because that has been forever ruined. 

Stumbled onto Will Smith's palm (or knucles, it is unclear)

 

As in 'Chris Rock stumbled onto Will Smith's palm or knuckles (it is unclear). No need to go over what happened, if the memes have not informed you yet, it is probably by choice.

There isn't too much to be said that has not already been said, but when did that ever stop me from writing a blog post? However, I am in celebratory mood as I feel like this unfortunate incident shows that most of us are still on the right side of free speech. For all the worry that political correctness can harm comedy and free speech, most people were quick to condemn a violent reaction to an offensive joke. And that is either a reason to celebrate, or extremely low standards. Okay, my celebratory mood has soured; I was worried this post would be all too pleasant and cheery and no one clicked on this for positive sentiments.

Whether the G.I Jane joke was insensitive, in bad taste or simply inappropriate is a separate issue altogether,. The irony of it is, had Will Smith not physically assaulted a comedian during a public event, televised across the globe and cemented online forever, he and his wife would have probably gotten a lot more justice than they did. The topic of discussion would have been whether the joke was indeed insensitive, in bad taste or simply inappropriate, Chris Rock would have alienated like-minded viewers and Will Smith would not have made a speech about what a good knight in shining armour he considers himself to be but maybe shown some good old humility. So shining was that armour that it could not help but distract from the rest of the evening. So what if people had worked really hard for a bunch of awards, who would pay attention after Will Smith threw decency out the window and skyrocketed Chris Brown's ticket prices to over 300 dollars? Although to be fair, a lot of those who worked that hard were deemed unworthy to be awarded along with the pretty, famous people. So maybe Will Smith was, in reality, mad about that because he is sure shown laughing at the G. I. Jane joke initially. Even so, we didn't see Villneuve instruct mechanical sandworms to trash the stage, and we wanted to. Let's see if Chalamet really is the chosen one.

The Academy's reaction, however, is what is ultimately wrong with the whole situation. The reaction any self-respecting organisation would have had to someone they invited being assaulted would have been to remove that now considered dangerous individual out of the room. But the little whoopsie-daisy was that this just happened to be a beloved famous person. Interestingly, this is probably why Will Smith felt comfortable doing that in the first place. Whether they recall his Academy Award or not is, frankly, relatively irrelevant; the statement has been made and the example has been set. They were just slow; frozen when they would have to apply common measures to someone much less common. And that is why the Oscar's are becoming less relevant. And now that I have solved all the problems I can pat myself on the back and go have something carbohydrate-based.

I am not necessarily a fan of Chris Rock, by the way, he has felt outdated in anything recent I have seen him in. I am also a bit upset with him for saying the whole Tonight Show debacle was Conan's fault on 'Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee' and I am therefore very proud to not have let these treacherous claims cloud my judgement. I have also managed to watch Seinfeld and the aforementioned show (CiCGC) even though Jerry Seinfeld also backed Jay Leno after the whole thing. Look how much I have grown! Well, not enough to not bring up Conan O'Brien even though he couldn't be any less relevant, but that is because I want to leave some room for growth to keep my readers engaged. Spoiler alert, not going to happen.

Stumbled onto the Vampman, I mean Batman

To start off, let me just say that I have enjoyed Robert Pattinson in everything he has done apart from Twilight, I just couldn't resist that cheap shot. There is something very appropriate about casting an ex-vampire as the bat crusader. 

I really liked the movie. Was it a bit on the nose with the 'I am a dark movie, feel the depression oozing out of me' theme as most DC movies are? Yes. Was Batman ultimately useless in preventing crime? Also yes. But it was a nice, dare I say, fresh take, with a moody Bruce Wayne that reflected the rich orphan aspect of his character and a great film noir essence that highlighted Batman as Gotham's greatest detective apart from a supercool Punchkicker dude (or Kinchpuncher, based on which of the two you preferred in Community), which he also was. Loved those scenes.

I really liked Robert Pattinson and all of the support cast! Zero complaints overall and I didn't even recognise Colin Farrell. That SFX team did great, but also how did he make that sexy, Irish accent into a New York-Italian hybrid turnoff? Very appropriate. And I will once again fail to resist the unecessary, demeaning reference, but Pattinson's Batman and Kravitz' Catwoman? Still a better love story than Twilight.

One thing I could complain about was. honestly, my bad. I confused Falcone and Maroni because both names sounded similar (this makes less sense when you see them spelt out), so while the rest of the theatre was enjoying a plot twist, I was wondering why this mobster was referring to himself in the third person; I assumed it was a Mafia boss thing, I still haven't seen the Godfather. But even so, I couldn't understand why he was incriminating himself while wearing sunglasses indoors. Still waiting for clarification on those sunglasses. Also, and this is a reasonable complaint, rat with wings? Could the Riddler have more obviously meant a bat? Greatest detective alert.

Anyway, it is time I accept my crusade to keep Ben Affleck as the Batman seems to have failed. At least Pattinson is a worthy replacement and I am curious to see what comes next. 

Stumbled onto the Encanto Oscar nomination...

 ... and my very own conspiracy theory.

I have decided to make these shorter for my sake and whoever is kind enough to continue reading these needless posts of mine. 

The past few years I have tried to be well versed in each years Oscar's nominations, so I can have an informed Oscar pool and, consequently, free drinks next time I go out with friends. This year has gone terribly, I have seen embarrassingly few nominated movies, one of which is Encanto, because I even prioritised the ones directed towards children.

I was not crazy about the movie. It felt very meh. The plot and life lessons were meh. What was certainly not meh was the music. Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote the music, so the music was ...enchanting. Rightfully so, one of those songs is nominated for Best Original Song this year, against 'No Time to Die', atmospherically sung by Billie Eillish. But, was it the best Encanto song that was selected to compete with the Bond theme? Was it the pop beat that could easily dominate the radio while still narrating a character's search for purpose beyond her superhuman gift and articulating the anxiety that chaperones success? (cough, cough, Miranda). What about the earworm Latin number with voices over voices over voices making up an unprecedented sound for a Disney movie, with Miranda's signature witty lyrics? No. The ballad is what is nominated. The forgettable ballad. Not a bad ballad. But certainly not the amazing track that the aforementioned songs or at the very least 'Family Madrigal' were. 

Here is the conspiracy. This is a all an Oscar's ruse to make sure that Bond wins. I think it would anyway, that song has been very successful. But I believe they eradicated the competition so no one will question these results. Because both 'Surface Pressure' and 'We don't talk about Bruno' could take it. I am convinced this goes all the way back to the Queen; she and Daniel Craig share a bond since he parachuted her down at the Olympics. I know I sound insane, but do I sound more insane than Lin-Manuel Miranda having zero Academy Awards after Moana and Encanto? I think not!

Stumbled onto the last Bond movie

I missed the cinema. I missed the smell of popcorn, I missed having to turn my phone off (well, put it on silent anyway) and give my full attention to a movie for a certain amount of time. COVID took that away from me. This was not the first movie I watched at a movie theatre post COVID, but from what I have gathered it certainly was thought of as the saviour of the big screen. Was it the fact that this is Daniel Craig's last ride? Was it that not everyone thinks Blockbusters should solely consist of superhero movies? Was it the discounted popcorn that Vue cinemas advertised? We will never know. My money is on the popcorn. 

Consider this a spoiler warning, just because my mother took it upon herself to give away the ending to a whole doctor's lounge and in no way do I want to associate with that type of behaviour. You have been warned. Stop reading. Consider this a second warning. Bond dies.

I have frequently said that I am a nerd and I am a nerd about a ton of nerdy things. I am not a Bond nerd though. I haven't seen Sean Connery's films, I have seen some of Pierce Brosnan and all of Daniel Craig's, but I suspect I couldn't follow Matt Gourley's 'James Bonding' podcast. And I really want to, so I might just have to sit down and watch all of them. I know that some people object to the Daniel Craig take, where Bond is psychologically complex, flawed and physically built to actually look able to carry out all those chases and getaways. I, however, think that these are necessary aspects of an intriguing character in 2021. If James Gunn could make a fuchsia space starfish relatable, James Bond can afford to get a couple of bruises after the bad guys get him. And I will definitely not complain about the less sexist lens to the character, you know, the one where women can do a bit more than just sleep with him and maybe even provoke an emotional response from time to time. 

I thought the movie was great. The hours flew by, the action sequences were fun, the scenery and soundtrack were beautiful and the new characters were likeable. Not the bad guy who was way into plants. I never trusted plant people, it seems so boring a pastime, there must be something sinister going on. But Ana de Armas and Lashana Lynch's characters were amazing and they both had so different and so enjoyable interactions with the main character. And the movie actually got a few tears out of me. I am not saying that was an impossible feat, but it's not like Pixar made the movie and it was therefore a given. I would like to know, if anyone has this information, whether the daughter's eyes were edited post production or they literally searched for a child with Daniel Craig's captivating eyes. He is an amazing Bond and I am not only saying this because he is as hot as he is. Even though I said this right after the captivating eyes comment. He is very hot. I remember a time when people complained that James Bond would be blonde this time round, no wonder the same idiots had a nervous breakdown about a black woman getting the 007 title. 

I am grateful to this film for getting the movie-going rolling. I might be hesitant of small indoor spaces, but very eager to go to as many as there are as long as there is a a big screen at the very front, a smell of fake butter in the air and a bathroom near by, because we all know they water down those Cokes and Sprites.