Stumbled onto Zack Snyder’s Justice League (aka The Snyder Cut) Part One

 

If you have read any other posts of mine, you may have noticed a slight, barely noticeable dislike for Snyder’s work. Some mean-spirited people would even call this itsy-bitsy preoccupation a bias. This is me trying to acknowledge that bias. I do not like Snyder’s aesthetic, I feel it is dated, boring, takes itself too seriously and is, ironically, silly. This is the reason I imagine I am unable to join others in glorious celebration of the Snyder cut. I understand that if these objections are not a concern, if someone enjoys this grandiose direction and has yet to feel fulfilled by the rest of the movies in this genre, they forego the details that still bother me about this version of the Justice League. But you know what? Fuck my bias, this movie had a ton of enraging details.

Enraging is probably the wrong word, because I wasn’t enraged, but entertained. I find there is nothing more enjoyable than attempts at seriousness that end up being silly. There is silliness to go round, perhaps best demonstrated by the ceremonial music that came up every time Wonder Woman appeared, was mentioned or farted ceremonial farts. It completely broke you out of the dark, gloomy, supposedly serious sequence of events. I would love to know who greenlighted that Tarzan take on ancient Greek music. Also, why choose that joke of a track when Wonder Woman has the most badass theme to begin with, which was, honestly, so much more appropriate. Although considering the number of times we heard that Eastern melody, we would have gotten bored of a good thing, had they not made the switch. In other words, thank you I guess.

Let’s continue with the useless scenes of no consequence. For example, Lois’ friendship with that cop, tea-making classes with Alfred, choir practice with Jason Momoa-sniffing fangirls; all abstract and most importantly, all so much longer than they should be. Then, there were all the other scenes of no consequence. For example, Commissioner Gordon’s warning to the Batman, Batman’s nightmare/premonition, dead dads’ speeches, the scenes with the Martian, Lex Luthor, Deathstroke and the Joker. These were completely unrelated to the plot and will not be related to any future plot, because this was the end of the Snyder trilogy. I know we were all asked to pretend otherwise (which will be discussed to a greater extent in my next post) but based on the circumstances, these scenes were nothing but fillers. And a four hour long movie does not need fillers! On that note, was I the only one that thought the movie ended at least twice before it did? I am not the smartest of the lot, but Snyder needs to partially share the blame. Firstly, the Justice League won and posed for the hero shot and we got Papa Cyborg’s serenade, while Batman and Wonder Woman prepared the Justice League headquarters. The end. No, then we had Lex Luthor’s escape from prison and his reveal of Batman’s identity to Deadshot. The end. No, then we had Batman’s dream sequence with the Joker, Mera, Deathstroke and evil Superman. The end. No, Batman wakes up and is greeted by the Martian who suggests he might show up in future imaginary movies. Again, the Snyderverse is discontinued and this is public knowledge.

Also, once again, what is up with the Joker? I am glad they dropped the tattoos and the method acting with the used condoms and dead rats. I understand that no one will top Heath Ledger and maybe we should stop expecting them too. But what is up with that laugh? Did the Joker regret murdering seagulls and is now paying an homage to them? Also, what is up with pushing the Joker as a more prominent part of this movie and then having him appear in an essentially post-credit scene? I don’t mind, I don’t want any more of Jared Leto’s Joker, but others did and were misled. This is the blog of the people! Stop with the false advertising!

Is it worth commenting on the emergent British accent they slapped on Amber Heard out of nowhere? I know Wanda’s accent also changed throughout the MCU, but is that the detail they decided to adopt? Speaking of cringey-sounding things (please, ignore my tremendous eloquence here), is it worth commenting on Wonder Woman’s ‘Kal-El, no’ plea or Superman finally joining the plot with ‘Not impressed’? Neither were we, Superman.

What is worth mentioning is that Superman is now a Batman copycat. Snyder couldn’t resist shedding the Kryptonian’s signature red and blue costume for a black one that doubles as a metaphor for his soul. I imagine they held him back a bit until now, making the suit progressively darker, but he just couldn’t take it. And he didn’t even have the decency to play ‘Paint it Black’ as Superman first walked on screen with this new found fashion sense.

I have one more fashion comment that I just can’t let go. I tried, I said I would to cut on words, but I couldn’t. I am in no position to judge Snyder for the runtime. For the final battle Batman needs to wear his dark shades to be proper lethal. Very cool; love the shades. When the Justice League prevails and we are up for the hero shot, we get everyone else at their best, and Batman sporting his shades on his forehead, like a fifty year old surfer. This is not the time for realism, Zack, have the shades retract into the suit or something! We have come this far with alien technology and cyborgs; after four hours we would accept mechanically retracted shades as an excuse. And this, from what I have read online, is my most original comment on the Snyder cut. You’re welcome.

I previously bitched about the runtime. Let me be clear; I don’t mind a long movie, but it needs to be justified. This is a movie with a relatively basic plot. Evil guy wants to collect three boxes to bring a more evil guy to earth, the justice league defends the boxes, fails and battles the first bad guy. Oh, and resurrects Superman two hours and forty minutes into the film. Whedon’s version made no sense because he either cut, or didn’t have a lot of the necessary information for the plot. This version did. The plot made sense. I am sorry, but after four hours, that was the bare minimum. I can’t believe a four hour movie had such flat characters, no development (maybe apart from notoriously pessimistic Batman fighting for hope?) and included no societal context or consequences. Instead, the dialogue was more fitting to a video game cut scene and the movie was full of gloomy, slow scenes and so much slow motion. We all knew the slow motion was coming, but Snyder really went to town this time; we get it, the Flash is fast, Wonder Woman is fast and Superman is fast. I think if someone speeds up all the slow motion scenes and the ceremonies and the flashbacks and the coffee take aways, this might be end up being a film with a reasonable length. Essentially, there are long movies where one understands that no scene could be spared, as they add something to the film. In this case, I am not sure what made up the runtime. I forget.

Again, in an attempt to somewhat consider my bias, there was an adequate understandable plot and the team came together in a much better way than they did in the original Justice League (yup, the other one is the original one). Also, once again this grandiose aesthetic is different to what we are used to, so if that’s is someone’s jam, then that worked well for them. Also, I am a huge fan of Ben Affleck’s old man Batman and still frustrated that he was dropped. Because DC executives wouldn’t know a good thing if it smacked them in the face.

This is not an opinion to be taken seriously, I know, but if I didn’t write all this down (and all of next week’s post) my head would explode. Did I like it better? Define better. Yes, it is a more coherent, therefore better film. Is it sufficiently better? Not really. Most importantly, is it worth the additional two hours of content? Fuck. No.

Stay tuned for the rest of my frustration with Zack Snyder’s Justice League.