Stumbled onto Zack Snyder’s Justice League (aka The Snyder Cut) Part Two

 

[Eastern music featuring a ceremonial cry] 'Kal-El, no'

 - sorry couldn't resist

Do not worry, my Justice League frustration will not be split into six parts like the movie. After this post, I think I will take a break from dissing on Zack Snyder. I can’t promise though ; because HBO max has already announced the release of a black and white version of the Snyder cut (spoiler alert, I have seen the next post and there is yet another unflattering mention of him). And the movie is already in a 4:3 ratio like an old television set. It is a marketing technique; he is begging for us haters to come after him! I have already made a long post about all the small (and some bigger) details that I did not enjoy in this second draft of the film. This post is a bit more general. It is of course still about my frustration with this movie’s very existence. However, it is also a humble admission of the very bias I pretend is not that big a deal in my previous post. If I am being honest, chances were I wasn’t going to like this movie. But in an attempt to be even more honest, I swear I tried.

In case I didn’t in my last post, I want to acknowledge that there has been wide appeal for this version, from viewers and critics alike, and recognise that it is a coherent movie that looks much less like a jigsaw puzzle than the original Justice League. I also want to acknowledge that Snyder’s aesthetic, despite personal preferences, is better suited for DC comics than it would have been for, say, Marvel. I think the main difference between the two companies, DC and Marvel, is the humanity of their characters; Marvel focuses on this aspect and is much more relatable, whereas DC creates a myth around their heroes and is more inspirational. Both are fine; that’s not the issue. The reason one formula works better than the other, nonetheless, is that Marvel and the MCU have adjusted to the current zeitgeist. Snyder is ignoring it completely. The year is 2021, the original movie came out in 2017; people have made it clear that characterless buff men in spandex doesn’t cut it for them. They want some humane aspect to their idols. Not just because of the MCU, which serves as the obvious comparison; James Bond also adjusted,, for example, and having three dimensional characters (for some of the seasons at least) made an incredibly nerdy, medieval show with dragons and boobs into a global fandom. I am not saying DC needs to have Wonder Woman smash a coffee cup and proclaim ‘Another!’ to highlight that she is out of this world. Nolan, for example, interpreted the zeitgeist differently, but did not ignore it. He didn’t go for relatable and fluffy, but instead deep dived into the trauma, the societal structure, and all in less than four hours too. Well, this was my attempt at acknowledgment, recognition and positivity and boy, did it go great! Let’s move on to the frustration bit.

What bothers me about the entire entity of this cut is that this was more of a reply to Whedon’s, admittedly, butchery than it was a movie. The four hour runtime includes a number of teasers that will lead nowhere because the DCEU has already been cancelled. They are not relevant to the movie, the plot, and they knowingly will not lead anywhere! We all know so and we are all asked to go along with the notion that this is four years ago and these Easter eggs would have lead somewhere had the executives not fucked up. But we, like the Cyborg, are burdened with knowledge. So these teasers that do not add to the movie, nor future movies, are a very childish ‘I told you so’ from one creator to another. I understand that he may have already shot these bits, but if this is to be treated as  piece of film independent of the surrounding scandal, these scenes should have been edited out. And, frankly, these teasers were not better executed than Whedon’s. Yes, I’ll say it! Whedon’s quick peak onto a Green Lantern was more nuanced than Snyder’s insertion of the Martian Manhunter pretending to be Martha (remember Martha?) that meant nothing and even made that one heart-warming scene less meaningful. But that is Snyder’s mantra; less nuanced, more on the nose and baptised grandiose. And might I add, had these scenes not been included, the runtime could be less than half a working day (as pointed out by Ryan George).

It is also useless to discuss this as Snyder’s original vision, as it is not original; this movie is the result of extensive feedback. The Joker is proof of this benefit because, as you may have noticed, he looked and acted quite differently to the Joker from Suicide Squad. They received a lot of hate and criticism for him and they very rightfully changed the character. Which is a good thing, don’t get me wrong; I couldn’t take another shot of that tattoo crazed Joker, but it is the very reason that the talk about Snyder’s redemption is unfair to say the least. And even with all that unfairness on its side, the script still felt like it was made for video game cut scenes. Viewers complained about Steppenwolf’s lack of motive and we had no more than a cut scene where he explains his motive to another villain who, in turn, has no discernible motive, who works for a third, scarier villain with, you guessed it, no discernible motive. Talking about benefitting from feedback, this version also included some of Whedon’s input; the quirky lines, the Batman’s Iron Man-esque responses. Again, good for them, selecting and keeping the good stuff as part of the movie, but this is why this whole debate should not have been so personal.

There is also a problem that might not be Snyder’s fault, as much as I would love to pin it onto him. A lot of it feels unearned. DCEU’s decision to forego the proper set up of its heroes will always mark their movies; the emotional investment just isn’t there. Some heroes have been set up nicely, like Wonder Woman, but even that is not taken to its full advantage. Snyder did his best, bless him, with his slow motion, endless face shots of his pained heroes and numerous paternal voiceovers. But for all those asking for restoration of the Snyderverse, this lack of set up will always be a parasite and I honestly and lovingly think they are best to reboot it.

Nonetheless, I missed pop culture, and bad pop culture is so much more fun to complain about. I guess there is no harm done in having someone complete their vision, you know, other than the four hours each viewer will spend on this movie and the additional two they had spent on the previous abomination. Darn it, I was supposed to end on a positive note.

Stumbled onto Zack Snyder’s Justice League (aka The Snyder Cut) Part One

 

If you have read any other posts of mine, you may have noticed a slight, barely noticeable dislike for Snyder’s work. Some mean-spirited people would even call this itsy-bitsy preoccupation a bias. This is me trying to acknowledge that bias. I do not like Snyder’s aesthetic, I feel it is dated, boring, takes itself too seriously and is, ironically, silly. This is the reason I imagine I am unable to join others in glorious celebration of the Snyder cut. I understand that if these objections are not a concern, if someone enjoys this grandiose direction and has yet to feel fulfilled by the rest of the movies in this genre, they forego the details that still bother me about this version of the Justice League. But you know what? Fuck my bias, this movie had a ton of enraging details.

Enraging is probably the wrong word, because I wasn’t enraged, but entertained. I find there is nothing more enjoyable than attempts at seriousness that end up being silly. There is silliness to go round, perhaps best demonstrated by the ceremonial music that came up every time Wonder Woman appeared, was mentioned or farted ceremonial farts. It completely broke you out of the dark, gloomy, supposedly serious sequence of events. I would love to know who greenlighted that Tarzan take on ancient Greek music. Also, why choose that joke of a track when Wonder Woman has the most badass theme to begin with, which was, honestly, so much more appropriate. Although considering the number of times we heard that Eastern melody, we would have gotten bored of a good thing, had they not made the switch. In other words, thank you I guess.

Let’s continue with the useless scenes of no consequence. For example, Lois’ friendship with that cop, tea-making classes with Alfred, choir practice with Jason Momoa-sniffing fangirls; all abstract and most importantly, all so much longer than they should be. Then, there were all the other scenes of no consequence. For example, Commissioner Gordon’s warning to the Batman, Batman’s nightmare/premonition, dead dads’ speeches, the scenes with the Martian, Lex Luthor, Deathstroke and the Joker. These were completely unrelated to the plot and will not be related to any future plot, because this was the end of the Snyder trilogy. I know we were all asked to pretend otherwise (which will be discussed to a greater extent in my next post) but based on the circumstances, these scenes were nothing but fillers. And a four hour long movie does not need fillers! On that note, was I the only one that thought the movie ended at least twice before it did? I am not the smartest of the lot, but Snyder needs to partially share the blame. Firstly, the Justice League won and posed for the hero shot and we got Papa Cyborg’s serenade, while Batman and Wonder Woman prepared the Justice League headquarters. The end. No, then we had Lex Luthor’s escape from prison and his reveal of Batman’s identity to Deadshot. The end. No, then we had Batman’s dream sequence with the Joker, Mera, Deathstroke and evil Superman. The end. No, Batman wakes up and is greeted by the Martian who suggests he might show up in future imaginary movies. Again, the Snyderverse is discontinued and this is public knowledge.

Also, once again, what is up with the Joker? I am glad they dropped the tattoos and the method acting with the used condoms and dead rats. I understand that no one will top Heath Ledger and maybe we should stop expecting them too. But what is up with that laugh? Did the Joker regret murdering seagulls and is now paying an homage to them? Also, what is up with pushing the Joker as a more prominent part of this movie and then having him appear in an essentially post-credit scene? I don’t mind, I don’t want any more of Jared Leto’s Joker, but others did and were misled. This is the blog of the people! Stop with the false advertising!

Is it worth commenting on the emergent British accent they slapped on Amber Heard out of nowhere? I know Wanda’s accent also changed throughout the MCU, but is that the detail they decided to adopt? Speaking of cringey-sounding things (please, ignore my tremendous eloquence here), is it worth commenting on Wonder Woman’s ‘Kal-El, no’ plea or Superman finally joining the plot with ‘Not impressed’? Neither were we, Superman.

What is worth mentioning is that Superman is now a Batman copycat. Snyder couldn’t resist shedding the Kryptonian’s signature red and blue costume for a black one that doubles as a metaphor for his soul. I imagine they held him back a bit until now, making the suit progressively darker, but he just couldn’t take it. And he didn’t even have the decency to play ‘Paint it Black’ as Superman first walked on screen with this new found fashion sense.

I have one more fashion comment that I just can’t let go. I tried, I said I would to cut on words, but I couldn’t. I am in no position to judge Snyder for the runtime. For the final battle Batman needs to wear his dark shades to be proper lethal. Very cool; love the shades. When the Justice League prevails and we are up for the hero shot, we get everyone else at their best, and Batman sporting his shades on his forehead, like a fifty year old surfer. This is not the time for realism, Zack, have the shades retract into the suit or something! We have come this far with alien technology and cyborgs; after four hours we would accept mechanically retracted shades as an excuse. And this, from what I have read online, is my most original comment on the Snyder cut. You’re welcome.

I previously bitched about the runtime. Let me be clear; I don’t mind a long movie, but it needs to be justified. This is a movie with a relatively basic plot. Evil guy wants to collect three boxes to bring a more evil guy to earth, the justice league defends the boxes, fails and battles the first bad guy. Oh, and resurrects Superman two hours and forty minutes into the film. Whedon’s version made no sense because he either cut, or didn’t have a lot of the necessary information for the plot. This version did. The plot made sense. I am sorry, but after four hours, that was the bare minimum. I can’t believe a four hour movie had such flat characters, no development (maybe apart from notoriously pessimistic Batman fighting for hope?) and included no societal context or consequences. Instead, the dialogue was more fitting to a video game cut scene and the movie was full of gloomy, slow scenes and so much slow motion. We all knew the slow motion was coming, but Snyder really went to town this time; we get it, the Flash is fast, Wonder Woman is fast and Superman is fast. I think if someone speeds up all the slow motion scenes and the ceremonies and the flashbacks and the coffee take aways, this might be end up being a film with a reasonable length. Essentially, there are long movies where one understands that no scene could be spared, as they add something to the film. In this case, I am not sure what made up the runtime. I forget.

Again, in an attempt to somewhat consider my bias, there was an adequate understandable plot and the team came together in a much better way than they did in the original Justice League (yup, the other one is the original one). Also, once again this grandiose aesthetic is different to what we are used to, so if that’s is someone’s jam, then that worked well for them. Also, I am a huge fan of Ben Affleck’s old man Batman and still frustrated that he was dropped. Because DC executives wouldn’t know a good thing if it smacked them in the face.

This is not an opinion to be taken seriously, I know, but if I didn’t write all this down (and all of next week’s post) my head would explode. Did I like it better? Define better. Yes, it is a more coherent, therefore better film. Is it sufficiently better? Not really. Most importantly, is it worth the additional two hours of content? Fuck. No.

Stay tuned for the rest of my frustration with Zack Snyder’s Justice League.

Stumbled onto, well, music

 

I know what you are thinking. If every time she listened to music we got a blog post, the feed would be overflowed. That would be the case were I a regular listener of music, which I am not. I think it is fair to say that since July 4^th I have listened to nothing but Hamilton. That is the only intentionally chosen music for my hearing pleasure. And prior to Hamilton it must be about two, maybe three years that I have abandoned music for the sake of podcasts. But it used to be the case that I was a music fanatic. It used to be a fear of mine that this blog would only revolve around music (see first posts). It used to be that I frequented over the NME site to discover new bands and catch up on which Gallagher brother had the more inspired insult that week. But those are all things of the past and I can now vaguely remember the difference between ‘Wake Up’ by Arcade Fire and ‘Wake Up’ by Rage Against the Machine. But one day, as I was walking the dog, I caught myself singing a tune unrelated to the American revolution and the founding fathers.

The reason I stopped listening to music still holds. Stress. I found music left a bit too much free space for the mind to wander and this mind tended to wonder to very stressful places; people died, it wasn’t pretty. Podcasts, on the other hand, occupy a lot more attention as they are novel, informative and rarely induce any negative emotions (hold ‘The Wilderness’, which attempts to understand/explain Trump’s rise to power). I am aware of how pathetic my abstinence from music sounds, but it really hasn’t been all that bad. Conan O’Brien had Dave Grohl on his podcast the other week, which, I’ve convinced myself, is music adjacent. The other reason I haven’t gone back is that I feel there is now too much ground to cover. Since I abandoned music, indie rock has formally given hip-hop the revolution mantle and I never deeply understood hip-hop. Also, members from fluffy boybands have shifted from generic pop to critical acclaim and Billie Eilish apparently has more than three songs and I am therefore very confused. As I said, it is just too much ground to cover.

I have found it, as of late, very difficult to explain what kind of music I listen to or provide any examples. Having been that inactive, I am stuck in between being a member of the ‘I have no opinion on what we listen to’ and the ‘I judge people that don’t like Radiohead’ clubs; I don’t deserve the second membership. But I do remember that I love Radiohead! After my walk featuring internal sing-alongs of Alt-J, and Wolf Alice, and We Are Scientists I couldn’t stop thinking that none of these bands would exist if it weren’t for Radiohead. But once again, fears of pretentiousness prevent me from using Radiohead as a compass to my taste in music. You can’t go around telling people that you want to listen to ‘Everything in its Right Place’ and sometimes you don’t want to either; it does sound like the soundtrack of a psychotic, old man bathing with a rubber duck. There is a time and place for it, is what I am saying. I used to point to Muse, my long-term favourite band, but they have rather screwed me over with their Second Laws and their Drones and I now have to follow up and specify that they acquired the ‘Favourite Band’ title back in Absolution times. I could say Rage Against the Machine but my presence does not immediately signal ‘Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me’ and it gets people confused. I could say Foals, but then people think I am cooler than I am and I can’t have these sorts of misaunderstandings. I could say the Smiths, but I am not fifty, at least in objective years. And lastly, I could say Marina and the Diamonds but I am not that sexually liberated. And that is one sexy woman. The whole thing is a minefield!

I came back from my walk with Leyla (aka, the dog) with a newfound sense of excitement (Pun not intended. Pun not necessarily understood unless you know Leyla’s breed). I vowed to listen to music. Maybe listen to some as I work out. Maybe organise my desk at the same time. Maybe just sit back and enjoy music in a ceremonial manner. I did nothing. The prospect quickly seemed incredibly boring, so I put on another podcast. And then spent a good 30 minutes laughing at My Dad Wrote a Porno. And then googled some random fact from No Such Thing as a Fish. And then began making up excuses about why I didn’t enter this long-awaited music trance. For example, I am behind on my podcasts and so close to finishing up His Dark Materials and have about 20 videos queued up on YouTube. Who has time for music? Especially with no concerts on the horizon. Nope, it wasn’t fear of entering an emotion provoking situation, not at all.

I might not be ready yet to indulge into rhythm and melody and instead opt for time-consuming comedy podcasts, but maybe, just maybe I can convince myself that it is safe to listen to the Dandy Warhols and not contemplate on every choice I have made since adulthood. I mean, ‘I got it woohoo got it, got it’ is not likely to break me, is it?

Also, decided to make a Spotify playlist to accompany this post, as procrastination kicked in and writing a blog post just didn’t take up enough time. So enjoy some music from a thousand years ago.

 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6MbUFec5ZpKJnItVzARXlM?si=QmalsNJyR7qiEDofVHsw5A

Stumbled onto the Royal Interview

 

Did I watch the interview? No, because I felt that I could cover the one and a half hour interview through articles in less time. Also, I am not Oprah’s biggest fan. I mean, I do appreciate that she has achieved a tremendous deal of success through hard work, intelligence and eloquence, but she also supported Jay Leno in the Tonight Show debacle and had beef with David Letterman. Τherefore, as a loyal member of Team Coco, I do feel a certain degree of resentment. Nope, we are still not over it. This was, nonetheless, a development that could not be left unmentioned by a blog claiming to concern itself with pop culture, because what is more pop culture that a cast member of ‘Suits’ bringing down the world’s most famous monarchy? It is the equivalent to what the politically engaged call a coup.

Everyone in the English-speaking world is interested in these developments. All of the UK wants to know a bit more about the Palace that supposedly rules them and Americans are invested in how their inclusion in the Royal Family has shaken them to the very core. Everyone else has followed course, because we all need a good reason to eat popcorn. Greece is no different; I guess we too need a break from our pandemic-driven lives to bother ourselves with the struggles of the ex-royal couple. Bear in mind that we are currently witnessing police brutality and their abuse of power in the name of public health and we still rushed to tune in the CBS funded show. We all need a bit of gossip for entertainment and the Netflix adaptation simply did not satisfy our appetite.

Do I have views on this even though I haven’t watched the interview? Sure, don’t I always? Firstly, I do want to recognise that there is some unfairness towards the Crown, in that them being under very strict guidelines of behaviour cannot respond with a similar interview. Although I would love to see the Queen have an exclusive interview on the Graham Norton show, with Lee Mack, David Mitchell and Rob Brydon on that famous, red couch. Why these three? Because I am binge-watching ‘Would I Lie to You’ and there is not enough screen time of these comics for me to ever feel satisfied. But the Queen not being able to respond in the same manner is certainly not a reason for everyone wronged by them to follow suit. It is, nonetheless, a convenience that I acknowledge. Anyway, the Crown can handle some unfairness, it surely has dealt out more than enough of it.

The biggest villain of the interview was the British press, that had the audacity to complain about the interview after their own handling. It is very ridiculous that during our time and age they focused on Meghan’s race and heritage from across the pond. I strongly believe they equally minded her being Black and not being English. Lest we forget, we are talking about the country that rushed into demise to get foreigners out. Although in all fairness, it does feel like we, European Internet shoppers, are the ones paying for it currently; I can no longer shop my moisturizers online! A bit off subject, but it has greatly pissed me off. As far as the actual royals are concerned, it’s reassuring that the Queen wasn’t the one that directly expressed racist remarks for her unborn grandson as both Claire Foy and Olivia Coleman are excellent as Queens (yes, I am judging current events on fictional standards), but someone did. My money is on Charles, as not even Josh O’Connor’s charming portrayal could make the character sufficiently likeable in season four. However, now that I think of it Umbridge is next in line for the throne; maybe they know something we don’t to go with that casting choice.

There is also the issue that I don’t know if anyone but the British take the Crown as seriously. And I don’t mean the Netflix show this time; I am dead serious about anything with Matt Smith in it. A friend from university had effectively called them ‘state-run celebrities’, so I am not sure who exactly is sincerely insulted by criticism of the crown. But then again, I wouldn’t take a word against David Tennant without starting a shouting match (a lot of Dr Who in this paragraph). But it does seem that we have all entered a contract that this interview about a family feud with an age range of over 90 years is shocking news! One of the interviewee’s uncles is very likely a pedophile, but you know, let’s focus on the scandal with the pretty members of the family. Also, again rather unfair, but every time I try to empathise with the unfortunate couple, I see money figures that are at least seven digits long and end up squinting my eyes so hard, I risk getting wrinkles inside my very eyeball. And as I said, we can no longer shop online for beauty products, so there is no helping these wrinkles.

Of course, it is deplorable that they to endure so much bullying from the press and telling of the prejudice within the British culture. It is sad that they felt so exposed and Meghan underwent all this psychological pressure. It is hurtful that Harry felt those parallels with his mother that he lost so young. I just declare those honest stands of mine before I move on to express my demented, closing remark. Here we go. My position is very difficult because Meghan clearly stole my future husband so I am inclined to side with whoever is against her. At the same time as Harry is my future husband I am inclined to side with him and he is siding with Meghan. Love triangles are always difficult and ours is no different.

Stumbled onto Chloe Ting

 

At some point during the past few years I decided that while I vastly enjoyed my lifestyle of fried cheese and Netflix, I probably should get round to being a bit more healthy and fit. Back in England, long before this lockdown (so long), me and a friend joined a gym and sort of motivated one another to attend classes; barre, Zumba, a bit of yoga and some insanely intense legs, bums and tums sessions. I am still trying to overcome the emotional trauma from these last ones. We are currently globally unable to go to a gym now, which initially sounded like a blessing, but I eventually had to admit that there were alternatives for working out. A friend pointed out I could go jogging, lift weights or find numerous workout schedules on YouTube. Party pooper. Reluctantly so, I began doing a few blogilates videos I had bookmarked over the years with cheery, chatty Cassie, who struggles along with you and assures you the pain you feel is mutual. But those ‘6 Minutes to a Sexy Booty’ were just not sufficient as bi-weekly exercise. And then the second party pooper came along; another friend who introduced me to Chloe Ting.

Let me be absolutely clear; I hate Chloe Ting. I hate her music; it is the sort of music I would never listen to. A weird mix of RnB, dubstep and Autotune pop. I obviously now know a bunch of these songs by heart now because there isn’t a wide selection of them. To be fair, I think I have very seldomnly enjoyed any trainer’s music, apart from that one Barre instructor that had a great ‘Florence and the Machine’ and ‘Marina and the Diamonds’ playlist. But Chloe’s songs have me begging for lyrics when they’re instrumental and cursing whatever lyrics tell me I need to work hard to get where I want for myself and no one else. Can’t we all agree that lyrics in workout music should be about what we are all really working towards? Cheese pies and salted caramel brownies?

I hate her voice. I am sure her voice is fine, but there is no struggle there! She is just going through 500 ab repetitions as if they are chocolate chip cookies! And her voice is controlled and passive. She attempts to strip you of your God-given right to moan and complain, but I won’t have it; I have earned the right to be unfit through 26 hard-working years of watching series and lounging. And she never sweats! Her face is managing those ankle weights just fine, while my face is distorted in ways I previously did not think possible. I hate her impossibly defined abs and her long-lasting make up; what brand is it? Maybe that is what’s happening! She puts that impossibly long-lasting make up on her abs! It finally all makes sense! Okay, now that I have cracked this undeniable conspiracy, I can relax. Drawn on abs it is! Non-negotiable.

I hate the exercises. I began my Chloe Ting journey with one of her weight-loss programs that included cardio and decided I probably hate cardio and will be better off with one of her strength-building programs. So I began one of said strength building programs. I decided that maybe I like cardio after all. And this has basically been the loop I’ve been stuck in for the last six months. The whole logic behind her workouts is what is popularly known as HIIT (Hate It, It’s Terrible), which is a great way get your body to beg that you never again indulge in carbohydrates in order to avoid this. But carbohydrates always win. The way HIIT works (fine, it means High Intensity Interval Training), is you die for about 40 seconds or so, take a brief ‘break’ and then die again. Those five-second breaks quickly become your best friend and if a ten-second break comes along you might even barely manage to catch your breath.

I say that I hate Chloe Ting, but I have suggested her to all my friends. And now they hate me. And so the cycle continues. I don’t know if it is the fuel of pure hate, the organisation of her workout schedules or the HIIT, but those stupid workouts are effective and keep you consistent. Oddly enough, it quickly becomes less about the weight loss, or muscle definition and becomes about that feeling of Hulk-like strength. Careful wording there; feeling of Hulk like strength. Very much nothing like actual Hulk-like strength. Maybe Hulk-like strength in comparison to previous strength. But I am still having a hard time managing the dog on walks, for example. I am sure there are other equally effective YouTube instructors that maybe rock out to Franz Ferdinand (long shot), but I am afraid to let go. I have sort of entered this co-dependent relationship with an Australian woman, and not even the fun bits. With couch popatoness always lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce and take me back to lazy heaven, Chloe Ting challenges remain a daily fight for me. A fight that I just realised I lost today because I did nothing. Darn it.