Stumbled onto a bunch of cooking channels

Lockdown is still in place here in Greece. This means that the things that bring me joy have been limited to series, reality shows, comedy specials, not washing my hair for about a week and food. So let me waste some time on each of these other things and eventually get to food and hence the channels.

I am working my way through Better Call Saul, reminding myself why Vince Gilligan is probably responsible for at least 0.04% of those suffering from Stockholm syndrome. Anti-heroes were never before that loveable, unless they were sexy, And Bob Odenkirk is many things, but he is not sexy. Not unless I have watched six episodes straight and have not been wearing my glasses and, you know, haven’t seen a human male in the flesh for a while. I hope they have clued in whoever cast him for ‘Nobody’ that we are not down for an ab-defined topless Bob Odenkirk scene. Please.

Reality shows are mentioned just in time, as tonight is the show finale for Greece’s Next Top Model. Therefore I will be done with that reprehensible pastime. You know, until Master Chef premieres in 2021. I always go into watching these shows with a cool, dissociated attitude, mocking the process and ‘watching for the cringe factor’. But I am so invested in the show right now, it’s not even funny. I express my rage on Twitter, I drink herbal tea to get over the fact that the judges are biased and just eliminated the most worthy of contestants. I even shush my friends’ sarcastic comments’ even though that is the supposed reason we would watch the show in the first place; this is serious business now.

Comedy specials are the one thing that have rightfully pushed me through this mundane lockdown. Not much to talk about here; I have fallen back in a James Acaster pit hole after being reminded of ‘Taskmaster’, ready to pay good money to watch his live show online. Give me a ginger, tall man that can recite a joke or two and chances are I will stay glued to my screen, never go out and therefore never catch Covid. Unless they produce a hilarious talk show Podcast about needing a friend, I can listen to on the go; then I cannot promise much.

Here is the possibly wrongfully labelled ‘pastime’, as I am not sure that NOT doing something can be considered one. But I guess if you don’t buy a scarf and therefore make it yourself, knitting becomes a hobby itself. Not washing your hair is not just a sign of laziness; it’s not the easy way out. There’s dry shampoo involved and coming up with poor excuses about why your hair roots have literally changed colour and actively avoiding scratching your very, very itchy head. There’s much effort involved. But it’s all worth it; because then you don’t have to use a blow-dryer.

And finally, food. I love food and didn’t realise just how much until I tried to cut down on it. The tasty food, anyway. I have been eating so much fruit and cucumber as of late, I have almost forgotten what bacon tastes like. I say almost, because if I shut my eyes and focus really hard I can almost taste it from memory. But for some reason I also find it very relaxing to masochistically watch other people cook butter-based meals and eat them in from of a camera. Because let’s be honest, that is the most accurate description of cooking channels on YouTube. I have consumed so many recipes that I do not remember or plan to reproduce; I just watch the ingredients stride from one end of the screen to another, not even necessarily decoding what it is I am watching. Is it a cake? Is it a steak? Is it a soup? Couldn’t tell you if I tried. Those videos are truly wasted on me. I hope I am not the only one that passively consumes these cooking channels as a way to unload. Surely. Tasty is too popular for all its viewers to actually engage with the material.

I have come to some realisations after watching Babbish and Joshua Weissman on their very tasty-looking culinary endeavors. The answer to most cooking troubles is butter. Essentially they use shitloads of it and if we all cooked like they do in our everyday life, the dairy industry would run out of cows. And hospitals would run out of defibrillators. Both equally detrimental. Essentially when a recipe requires butter it requires all the butter, when it requires eggs it requires a coup’s worth, when it requires cheese it requires a bucket of it and when it requires any other ingredient, well, it’s just a decoy for more butter. I don’t doubt its effectiveness; adding butter in anything makes it better. But butter quantity in tasty foods seems to be one of those things that is best left unseen. Ready-to-eat is not more healthy, but definitely less stressful. Awareness is not always a pleasure.

There is still hope that one day I will put all this knowledge I’ve received through osmosis to good use and actually make that over-the-top mac and cheese, or overly gooey chocolate chip cookies. I mean it’s lockdown and Better Call Saul is only five seasons long, I might as well. However, it remains most likely I’ll keep on watching butter be stirred and cheese be topped and chocolate be grated than actually do it myself. And if my masochism gives way and I decide to indulge in something tasty of that sort, I’ll probably order it.