10/24.
Disaster. Let’s say 10/20, because honestly, I had no idea
about either short films or documentaries. But, at best, my predictions were at
chance level. Which pretty much means they were coincidental. Which pretty much
means I’ve fallen behind in Breaking Bad
(considering the series ended seven years ago, this delay is not so
detrimental) and have postponed the last eight episodes of Bojack Horseman (which, on the other hand, is killing me) for
nothing! I am none the wiser! I know it’s not a competition, but dammit I
should have won. Here are the nominees for ‘my predictions were obviously not
in line with the Academy’.
Writing (original screenplay)
In my previous blog, having not seen the Parasite, I had predicted Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (once
again, OUT) would win in this
category. But on the day, I did actually go for Parasite because it was an awesome screenplay that had everything.
So I won. It was one of those great wins, where it felt like all the celebrity
attendees were shifting in their seats and started thinking ‘maybe this will
pull a Roma and get Best Director as
well. But certainly not Best Picture’.
Writing (adapted screenplay)
This was probably the happiest I was all evening. Jojo Rabbit was my absolute favourite film
and Taika Waititi should be accepting all the awards and giving all the
speeches. Every time I am about to give up on comedic movies, someone dressed
as Hitler shows up and changes my mind.
Visual effects
I don’t want to talk about it. But if we can’t protect the rightful
winner, you’ll be damn sure we’ll avenge them.
Sound editing and mixing
I got one of the two right, the one for 1917, but I am not sure which one that was. And while part of me
feels shame for taking credit for something I don’t even understand, another
part of me also feels shame, but for getting so few of the Oscar categories
right. And the second part of me feels greater shame. The unforeseen winner was
Ford vs Ferrari, which was loud and,
to my understanding, therefore deserved the award.
Short film(s)
So I didn’t get either of these right. I also found out that
I had actually watched Kitbull and I
found it very sweet. I have since watched the winner for short film animated,
as promised, Hair Love, and it was
beautiful. I am sure they all were. What could go wrong in such a short period
of time? Were it three and a half hours long, I would be more hesitant. Yes, in
case you are wondering, this is a subtle jab at The Irishman. Subtle, though, the big one is pending…
Production Design
I am still confused as to why 1917 didn’t win this one. Wasn’t this like a feat? Wasn’t this like
an over-the-top achievement? So, OUT
won, which I guess is okay. Like, no hard feelings. I’ll give out some of that
Quentin love.
Music (original song)
I loved ‘Stand Up’
because that woman had pipes and I sort of danced to ‘I Can’t Let You Throw Yourself Away’ because that shit was catchy.
But I don’t think the Academy could have done any differently, but give Elton
John another Oscar for best original song. I bet it played at least once during
his after-party.
Music (Original score)
Another one I got right! Joker
won this fair and square. The music was befitting, memorable and all-around
enjoyable. Even though I could enjoy this moment, I went and Googled Guardians of the Galaxy to see if they got
this award back in the day. And they did not. I am trying to withhold my rage
as these two instances are unrelated and focus on the first woman to win an
Oscar in this category, focus on me who also won a point in our Oscar pool, and
is a woman, and focus on the fact that Joker
did not win Screenplay or Picture which would have let me throw myself away.
Makeup and Hair
It’s like I have purposefully put the ones I successfully predicted
one after the other. The work on Charlize was phenomenal, maybe next time Scorcese
can get these guys to work on Al Pacino’s face instead of CGI. I lost my visual
effects argument as the Avengers didn’t
win so now, make up is all I can mock them with.
International Feature Film
Predictable.
Film editing
Once again, Ford vs
Ferrari came in out of nowhere and scooped up an Oscar. It was a respectable
film that I foolishly overlooked in my bets for the Oscars. I think we all got
blindsided by the promotion of 1917
as Sunday’s big winner that we thought of nothing else. And everything else won
something.
Documentaries
American Factory (feature)
and Learning to Skateboard In a Warzone
(If You Are a Girl) (short). Maybe I’ll watch the Hollywood remakes with Cuba
Gooding Jr, or Scuba Gouda as I very commonly pronounce his name. I am a bit of
a Travolta, myself.
Costume Design
Woohoo, another win! I would like to thank the Academy and
Greta Gerwig and whoever made the costumes. I couldn’t have done it without
you.
Cinematography
Again, predictable. Also, Roger Deakins has amazing hair! If
I could have hair like that when I am his age, I would be grateful. I would
even ask for an Oscar. Also, 1917 deserved
this; it was above all else, a great collaboration between the director and cinematographer
and I guess he won an Oscar for both of them. Plus kudos to George McKay for
running as much as he did; I didn’t know if I would have another opportunity to
say that.
Animated Feature Film
Nostalgia trumps all! Toy Story 4 got best animated feature and
reminded me to go hug my stuffed doggie the moment I got home. I used to have a
Woody doll when I was a kid; I had written ‘Andy’ on the bottom of his boot
because I don’t think I knew how to write my own name back then. I wasn’t a necessarily
bright kid.
Actress in a Supporting Role
I am very upset. While Laura Dern gave a great performance,
I can’t believe Scarlett Johansson didn’t win for that coal spread she pulled
on her face. I know the previous sentence doesn’t make much sense out of
context, but Scarlett was phenomenal in Jojo
Rabbit is all you need to know. And should have won. Maybe she could have lent
the Oscar to Dern for a couple of days.
Actress in a Leading Role
Again, I am very upset. Because once again Scarlett Johansson
didn’t win for that mom bob she rocked throughout Marriage Story. However, I am mostly upset because another biopic,
that nobody really cared for, won for featuring a much loved figured. Marriage Story deserved more, but maybe
Noah Baumbuch caught an Oscarsnub-irus from Greta Gerwig. I might be wrong,
considering I was wrong for most of these, but I believe history will reward
Johansson’s performances during this Oscar season. But not next year, I don’t think
she is getting a nomination for Black Widow.
Actor in a Supporting Role
And the Oscar goes to Brad Pitt’s speechwriter. They have
worked very hard and delivered time and time again. I am not exaggerating; Brad
Pitt had to publicly say he did not hire any speechwriters but simply got help
from friends. Either way, the speeches were great, the performance was
incredible and OUT got some well-deserved
recognition. And so did Pitt, because I honestly think he is a really good
actor that everyone kind of assumed had only made it based on his looks.
Because the looks are also really good. Especially as of late. That jaw line.
Have I side-tracked and just proved a point? Anyway, what I meant to say is
that looks can be misleading. Someone can be both handsome, portray a
peanut-butter-loving Death and hold their own opposite DiCaprio.
Actor in a Leading Role
You know how sometimes having a minority opinion makes you
feel very strongly about something and blinds you to an extent? Consider me
blinded. Joaquin Phoenix did an excellent job; he was captivating. He wasn’t
the Joker, but an excellent psychotic clown regardless. I don’t like that he
and Heath Ledger share the same award for the same role, but I am trying to be
more open-minded. Next step, the Tony’s! He sang for ‘Walk the Line’, he danced for ‘Joker’,
I am sure he will be cast in a musical sooner rather than later.
Directing
This is where things got tense. Will it be Sam Mendes, with
his faux one shot movie? Everyone thought so. Will it be Scorcese, with his
Mafia movie filled CV? People with greater patience than mine thought so. Will
it be Tarantino, with his signature blend of splatter, comedy and feet? I think
he thought so, that is why he promoted Bong Joon-Ho’s work without hesitation.
Will it be Todd Phillips? Fuck no! If so, give it to Scorcese for the King of Comedy. Aaaaand it’s Parasite winning the second of the big
awards, the indicators of Best Picture! Bong Joon-Ho gave a sweet speech,
honoured his fellow nominees and probably sat unaware of the revolutionary
announcement that was to come. I mean, he was only meant to get best
International Film, wasn’t he?
Best Picture
I still have muscle
memory of how I reacted when Parasite was
announced as the winner of Best Picture. My mouth was half open but attempting
a smirk. I was something between surprised, intrigued and satisfied. Parasite deserved it; it was a brilliant
story with well-executed characters, unexpected plot twists and a societal
message. It was also a very visually unique motion picture. Of course it won!
Of course we all thought a Hollywood movie would, but it’s nice to see they
didn’t. It’s nice to impose that level of threat on the industry the very year
a Hollywood homage was competing (don’t get me wrong, I loved said Hollywood
homage). It’s nice to get some justice for Roma; another International Feature Film that
should have won Best Picture. It’s nice to see a real socio-political commentary
win rather than the Joker, who never
decided what it was trying to say. It’s nice to see a two hour movie that felt
ten times more relevant win instead of a product of a different time.
So that’s the last of my Oscars obsession. I will now go
back where I belong; Netflix, Amazon Prime, HBO, Hulu, illegal streaming
services and, soon enough, Disney+. And even though this is an opportunity to
present myself as a cinephile, a calculated viewer with no ulterior motive, can
I just point out that ‘The Irishman’
won nothing? Pity.
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