Stumbled on to… the flu

So of course, this is not the end of the world and in fairness I have only been sick for two days; I really should not be this frustrated. But I want to give the common cold the attention it deserves. For too long people have been dealing with real health problems and ignored the anguish of having the opportunity to watch Conan O’Brien videos for a whole day but instead getting a headache half across the first clip. It is not fair. So I thought I could come up with some ground rules, some terms of agreement with simple viruses, such as the flu. Now if the rest of the viruses would like to follow, they are more than welcome.

Quantifiable symptoms

I hate getting a fever as much as the next person, but it is a necessary evil; if I am sick and do not have a fever, I will neither be excused nor cared for. Take my current state as an example, my flesh hurts, I have a headache from the simple act of typing this, but I just Skyped my mother and apparently I am fine and lazy. Which, you know, is generally true, but still! I demand that when I feel like crap I have a temperature of 37^oC minimum so I can at least get some sympathy from all those non-believers. Fever gets much attention; you have medicine for fever, measuring instruments, one Black Keys song, I could go on. People trust fever, therefore I trust fever and accept to endure it as a means to an end; the end being lying in bed all day.

Retaining of appetite

I try to diet every day of my life with little to no success and, surprise, the only time I do not have an appetite is when I need food in order to get drugged up. Also, when one is sick, one stays in the house all day doing nothing, which is the best time for one to eat food, just to relieve some of one’s boredom! Yet one does not want to! This is so counter-productive. And then when I will be healthy again (by now I have a fever, so I can formally complain) and need to get things done and I know I will get distracted by creamy mushroom daydreams. And cheese. And milk chocolate digestives. I think my appetite might be back.

Alignment with a new TV series

I assume these are starting to sound ridiculous, but again, I am discussing the more trivial sickness of the spectrum, so my demands are corresponding.  Problem is I got sick just as I finished up Luther. I was so obsessed with Luther, I did some rearranging of my sleeping, work and socialising patterns and got through the whole series in seven days. I got sick on the seventh day, with one episode left. Such a waste of an opportunity. Had I known, I would have just started Luther one week later. I have been late to this police-drama party for eight years, I could stand another seven days! And now I have been sick for one Luther-less day and I cannot think of what else to watch because Idris Elba has only appeared in so many TV series and I have seen them all! And the decision-making process of starting a new series makes me shiver. Or it might be my fever going up, cannot be sure. I haven’t worked out the details of how this would work, but the virus should only present itself if confident that passive entertainment in the form of television is available.

And last but not least, something needs to be done about that blocked nose/sore throat situation

I would like to end this post by asking the flu to pick one or the other because the combination leads to a never-ending cycle, which frankly is pissing me off! It all starts with a blocked nose; the one that gives you that attractive, husky voice, which goes to complete waste considering you are surrounded by used up tissues. You proceed to sleep, but of course the blocked nose dictates sleeping with your mouth open, exposing your sore throat to further sore-ness. The worse your throat is the worse your nose gets and of course sleeping, which is the only thing you can do when sick, gets interrupted by either inability to inhale or coughing. It is a vicious cycle that keeps the symptoms going forever. So my counter-offer is choose one, nose or throat, go to town with it and maybe we will consider willingly nursing you for a while longer without complaints.

Why this pop culture-deficient post, you ask? Well, I am bored, I do not have a TV series to watch and cannot eat crappy food. Perhaps inspiration will return once this cold wears off. Until then, have this beautiful mucus infused picture to keep you company.