So of course, this is not the end of the world and in
fairness I have only been sick for two days; I really should not be this
frustrated. But I want to give the common cold the attention it deserves. For
too long people have been dealing with real health problems and ignored the
anguish of having the opportunity to watch Conan O’Brien videos for a whole day
but instead getting a headache half across the first clip. It is not fair. So I
thought I could come up with some ground rules, some terms of agreement with
simple viruses, such as the flu. Now if the rest of the viruses would like to
follow, they are more than welcome.
Quantifiable symptoms
I hate getting a fever as much as the next person, but it is
a necessary evil; if I am sick and do not have a fever, I will neither be
excused nor cared for. Take my current state as an example, my flesh hurts, I
have a headache from the simple act of typing this, but I just Skyped my mother
and apparently I am fine and lazy. Which, you know, is generally true, but
still! I demand that when I feel like crap I have a temperature of 37oC
minimum so I can at least get some sympathy from all those non-believers. Fever
gets much attention; you have medicine for fever, measuring instruments, one
Black Keys song, I could go on. People trust fever, therefore I trust fever and
accept to endure it as a means to an end; the end being lying in bed all day.
Retaining of appetite
I try to diet every day of my life with little to no success
and, surprise, the only time I do not have an appetite is when I need food in
order to get drugged up. Also, when one is sick, one stays in the house all day
doing nothing, which is the best time for one to eat food, just to relieve some
of one’s boredom! Yet one does not want to! This is so counter-productive. And
then when I will be healthy again (by now I have a fever, so I can formally
complain) and need to get things done and I know I will get distracted by
creamy mushroom daydreams. And cheese. And milk chocolate digestives. I think
my appetite might be back.
Alignment with a new TV series
I assume these are starting to sound ridiculous, but again,
I am discussing the more trivial sickness of the spectrum, so my demands are
corresponding. Problem is I got sick
just as I finished up Luther. I was so obsessed with Luther, I did some
rearranging of my sleeping, work and socialising patterns and got through the
whole series in seven days. I got sick on the seventh day, with one episode
left. Such a waste of an opportunity. Had I known, I would have just started
Luther one week later. I have been late to this police-drama party for eight
years, I could stand another seven days! And now I have been sick for one
Luther-less day and I cannot think of what else to watch because Idris Elba has
only appeared in so many TV series and I have seen them all! And the
decision-making process of starting a new series makes me shiver. Or it might
be my fever going up, cannot be sure. I haven’t worked out the details of how
this would work, but the virus should only present itself if confident that
passive entertainment in the form of television is available.
And last but not least, something needs to be done about
that blocked nose/sore throat situation
I would like to end this post by asking the flu to pick one
or the other because the combination leads to a never-ending cycle, which
frankly is pissing me off! It all starts with a blocked nose; the one that
gives you that attractive, husky voice, which goes to complete waste
considering you are surrounded by used up tissues. You proceed to sleep, but of
course the blocked nose dictates sleeping with your mouth open, exposing your
sore throat to further sore-ness. The worse your throat is the worse your nose
gets and of course sleeping, which is the only thing you can do when sick, gets
interrupted by either inability to inhale or coughing. It is a vicious cycle
that keeps the symptoms going forever. So my counter-offer is choose one, nose
or throat, go to town with it and maybe we will consider willingly nursing you
for a while longer without complaints.
Why this pop culture-deficient post, you ask?
Well, I am bored, I do not have a TV series to watch and cannot eat crappy food.
Perhaps inspiration will return once this cold wears off. Until then, have this
beautiful mucus infused picture to keep you company.
