Stumbled onto a free Cosmopolitan

This blog post is a milestone! I actually stumbled onto something rather than either intentionally encountered or have worked it up in my head for a long, long time! Finally the title of this blog post is relevant and true! I shall celebrate by complaining/mocking the Cosmopolitan world I so unexpectedly re-encountered.

I am not going to pretend I haven't spent money in the past actually buying these magazines as a teenager. My friends and I would sit around and read through the make-up sections, the celebrity gossip, the outfit suggestions and the flirting/relationship tips as if they were gospel. We outgrew said phase once we actually started wearing make-up, good looking clothes and flirting/dating boys. I sort of feel that this was not a coincidence. I’ll be honest, though, I’m still up for the celebrity gossip.

I was initially going to read through the magazine and complain, but life is too short and the psyche too fragile, so I just skimmed through it. But no worries, I can still complain just fine.

Let’s start with how ugly a magazine it is. I am not saying I expected the graphic design of i-D (that is as hipster as I go), but if we are talking about a magazine in the popularity levels of Marie Claire and Vogue, they could have made the pages look like something other than a five-year-olds sticker book, with leopard coats standing in for the sticker bit. Honestly, they employ photographers and graphic designers; make them work for it.

Secondly, there are interviews with two celebrities, obviously women, who talk about literally nothing. And I do not generally mind, but this is the time where the name Harvey Weinstein can be overheard in a stranger’s conversation at least once a day. It is easy money and a good opportunity to talk about gender inequalities or sexual harassment or something other than the strangest item in Kate Hudson’s fridge (placenta pills, if you were wondering). This magazine addresses a specific age group which is usually exposed to silly, useless celebrity facts (and we love it), but it is simply too good an opportunity to pass, now that this important issue has been Hollywood-ified.

I feel like the tone of this post has become a tad heavy so I will move on to a funny point in my stereotypical-girl-oriented journalism. There was an investment section! I am not joking! It was ‘Best Dry Shampoos’  on one page and ‘How to Set Up a Business’ with quick tips on equity on the next. First of all, I have lived with many finance enthusiasts and the only thing I have learnt regarding equity is that I need to read more than a speech bubble to understand what it is (I haven’t, I don’t). Also, the contrast was insane. Maybe include a transition article, like ‘How the Pricing on Dry Shampoo Works and If You Think This Article is Boring, Skip the Next One’.

The final complaint for this Stumbled On magazine will be a bit more general. I want to actually complain about the unrealistic, compartmentalised bullshit tips this magazine provides that can make a young girl feel inadequate. The pop psychology sections are and will always be a shame to journalism and the unfortunate parasite to light entertainment. For example (a real example) saying all women meet the man they will marry by 23 is both idiotic and unnecessary. So dear Cosmo, write all you want about dry shampoos (best discovery ever), lipstick, tan creams, cellulite creams, swim suits, lingerie, sex toys, smoothie parlours, homemade hair masks, Oscar appearances, bags, tags and rags but STAY WAY FROM MY SCIENCE!

I feel ashamed cause Cosmopolitan is an easy target and other than the aesthetic complaint, you get what you are looking for, I guess. 

Well, I suppose I needed to use words in a syntax to feel as if I retrieved the missing IQ since I read about the placenta pills.