Stumbled onto the last Bond movie

I missed the cinema. I missed the smell of popcorn, I missed having to turn my phone off (well, put it on silent anyway) and give my full attention to a movie for a certain amount of time. COVID took that away from me. This was not the first movie I watched at a movie theatre post COVID, but from what I have gathered it certainly was thought of as the saviour of the big screen. Was it the fact that this is Daniel Craig's last ride? Was it that not everyone thinks Blockbusters should solely consist of superhero movies? Was it the discounted popcorn that Vue cinemas advertised? We will never know. My money is on the popcorn. 

Consider this a spoiler warning, just because my mother took it upon herself to give away the ending to a whole doctor's lounge and in no way do I want to associate with that type of behaviour. You have been warned. Stop reading. Consider this a second warning. Bond dies.

I have frequently said that I am a nerd and I am a nerd about a ton of nerdy things. I am not a Bond nerd though. I haven't seen Sean Connery's films, I have seen some of Pierce Brosnan and all of Daniel Craig's, but I suspect I couldn't follow Matt Gourley's 'James Bonding' podcast. And I really want to, so I might just have to sit down and watch all of them. I know that some people object to the Daniel Craig take, where Bond is psychologically complex, flawed and physically built to actually look able to carry out all those chases and getaways. I, however, think that these are necessary aspects of an intriguing character in 2021. If James Gunn could make a fuchsia space starfish relatable, James Bond can afford to get a couple of bruises after the bad guys get him. And I will definitely not complain about the less sexist lens to the character, you know, the one where women can do a bit more than just sleep with him and maybe even provoke an emotional response from time to time. 

I thought the movie was great. The hours flew by, the action sequences were fun, the scenery and soundtrack were beautiful and the new characters were likeable. Not the bad guy who was way into plants. I never trusted plant people, it seems so boring a pastime, there must be something sinister going on. But Ana de Armas and Lashana Lynch's characters were amazing and they both had so different and so enjoyable interactions with the main character. And the movie actually got a few tears out of me. I am not saying that was an impossible feat, but it's not like Pixar made the movie and it was therefore a given. I would like to know, if anyone has this information, whether the daughter's eyes were edited post production or they literally searched for a child with Daniel Craig's captivating eyes. He is an amazing Bond and I am not only saying this because he is as hot as he is. Even though I said this right after the captivating eyes comment. He is very hot. I remember a time when people complained that James Bond would be blonde this time round, no wonder the same idiots had a nervous breakdown about a black woman getting the 007 title. 

I am grateful to this film for getting the movie-going rolling. I might be hesitant of small indoor spaces, but very eager to go to as many as there are as long as there is a a big screen at the very front, a smell of fake butter in the air and a bathroom near by, because we all know they water down those Cokes and Sprites.

Stumbled onto Walking Dead

I just want to make one thing clear. I did not run out of ideas, inspiration, time and motivation, hence the hiatus. This was a conscious decision to attenuate the importance of my Conan post, to underline the cultural gap left by American Ginger, to magnify his impact on the comedy scene. No, this was not a holiday break from the blog that turned into abandonment, this was a statement! That statement is that Conan O'Brien's departure from late night should not be taken lightly. 

So what else has happened this summer other than my mourning of the 'Conan' show? And doubt not; I have mourned. Well, I watched all of Walking Dead for starters. And I have questions. My main question is why nobody told me to start the show when Game of Thrones ended  and I needed to fill that void? I wasn't into Game of Thrones for the boobs to begin with, and Walking Dead had plenty of main character deaths, a wee amount of ethical dilemmas a GREAT amount of gore and zombies. And for the first few seasons Walking Dead had plenty of nice plot twists. It eventually dived into repetition but it's not like Game of Thrones didn't; those unexpected armies that unexpectedly infiltrated battles got less and less unexpected. 

My second question is whether we are all in agreement that men can have abs, turquoise eyes, the heights of giants, brains, humour and chivalry, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan would still be the sexiest man to have existed. Best casting decision ever, because no way would I be rooting for the mass murderer that batted my favourite character to death if it wasn't portrayed by that Lucille-loving bastard. Also, are all Arrested Development fans in agreement that the name 'Lucille' has been forever ruined?

My third question is more relevant to the storyline. One had to be. And it is how come they abandon solutions that have worked for them in the past. It seems that looking and smelling like zombies is a 'do not die' card that should have been played a lot more times during the run of the show. They stumble onto that idea quite early, but do not pay it much of an homage, not as much as that alphabet group did. There is an attempt to hold onto their humanity, which I understand, but you know, how about when they go on food hunts? It doubles as a way to keep those that go get the food from eating it all.

I found out a few things about myself; first of all, I can actually like many characters I initially found annoying as long as Norman Reedus does at some point. Next, even though Andrew Lincoln has, I think, a punchable face, I am very much rooting for his return. Lastly, I have realised I would be useless in a zombie apocalypse. My main plan of survival is I would survive until I could get to a spot where I could relieve myself of my breathing duties, as you say, in the least disgusting and absolutely least painful way possible. Not a Gryffindor.  

I am looking forward to the rest of the season, have no idea which way things will swing, as I know the zombie apocalypse does not end from 'The Walking Dead: World Beyond'. There just seems to be no time; we need some sort of a happy ending, even partly so, explanations about a huge number of things and Jeffrey Dean Morgan to die and be somehow redeemed. Or not. If he is not, that will be very interesting. Possibly also disappointing. But certainly interesting. But, let's have him redeemed. 

Stumbled onto superheroes at the movies

Covid has had many impacts on me, the main of which was my reluctance to go to the movies. Second impact on the list is fear of dying. That inevitably meant that I fell behind on my watchlist, opting for Seinfeld reruns on Netflix. Now, technically, these are not called reruns because they are on Netflix and therefore on demand. But as I remember a time where reruns were the way to watch Seinfeld, I am sticking with the 'rerun' sentiment. You might be wondering why I have spent a whole paragraph on Seinfeld instead of the three movies which I recently caught up on and intended to discuss. It is simple, really; the same procrastination that has affected my viewings is featured on this post for your benefit. So you can relate. I will get to it though, I promise. But as a final note on Seinfeld, I am just wondering if it's worrying that I relate with George Costanza and Larry David as much as I do; you don't need to answer that. It is.

The three movies in question are 'Black Widow' (I have been procrastinating for a long time, baby), 'Suicide Squad' and 'Venom: Let There Be Carnage'. Oddly enough, this is also their order of interest to me, with 'Black Widow' being the movie I cannot believe it took me so long to watch. I was trying to coordinate with other MCU friends and life got in the way. And by 'life' I mean 'Hamilton'. We just watched 'Hamilton' over and over again instead. 'Black Widow' was... classic; it was a superhero movie as we know them. Not that that is a bad thing; I miss those every now and then. I maybe wanted something more though, because of this being the first female lead in the MCU (I know, I don't care), because Black Widow is such an awesome character and because Scarlett Johansson is amazing at all of it and deserved that Oscar two years ago and I am still not over it. But yeah, the movie felt like formula and the problems with these things is that, as you get older, you start to notice little nuisances more easily. Like the fact that we see Natasha right before General Ross arrives to arrest her, and then we see her free and ready for Infinity War. But did she fight all of General Ross' team and got away? Did she break out of prison? Wouldn't these be incredibly awesome stuff for us to see? Also, I had not taken a stand on this but it seems I now have to; the accents. There is an argument currently made about whether it is worth having actors fake an accent, rather than just having an unspoken agreement among us that we will pretend they are using an accent. Here is where I am at. I see the benefit of them putting on a fake accent for realism purposes, only if it is indeed realistic. But having English and American actors all fake a Russian accent whilst speaking amongst themselves is just ridiculous. If they are all Russian, why not speak Russian? If the answer is 'let's ditch the realism and go for the most popular language in the world for the audience's sake' let's ditch the realism and have them use their own accents. Those were the main nuisances for me. But I did like it so, I will say this; while a common complaint is that the villain needlessly goes through the trouble to lay out their evil plan for the main character, I think that worked wonders here. Because that is Romanoff's skillset; because when she said 'Thank you for your cooperation' I was so happy I almost pooped. But didn't. I stand by that statement. I will also admit that I quite liked the feminist allegory; I know it's a shallow superhero movie, don't hate me, but it just felt appropriate for this character's backstory. But yeah, no real stakes, no real depth to the characters and overall, it was just not one of the most special MCU releases.

'Suicide Squad 2' I was excited for, not because I have any trust in the DCEU, Warner Bros or these characters in particular. But I have a great deal of trust in James Gunn. I fucking love James Gunn's style; 'Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1.2' don't get enough credit and they get plenty of credit. Here is pretty much the aftertaste I had from this movie. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it; the direction, the banter, Idris Elba's biceps, but that movie was absolutely pointless. The characters were pointless, the relationships they developed were pointless, the plot was pointless, the fight scenes were underwhelming; I should have opened a thesaurus sometime after the second use of the word pointless. I loved Starro as the main villain and loved that it was given such humanity at the very end. Yes, the psychedelic, giant, squid-like, star-shaped, alien monster had a killer final line. Only James Gunn can bring such emotionality to an otherwise seemingly unsophisticated script. Remember how we all cried when Yondu died? And because all of us were crying no one made fun of us for doing so? Good times.

You see how my paragraph length corresponds to my interest in these movies as stated above? Expect a maximum of three sentences for Venom, I guess. I had written a whole blog post for the first installation, saying that while it was by no means a good movie, it had a lot of potential. So I have lied; I was actually quite excited for this movie. I had sort of placed my bets that this sequel would take all that worked from the first Venom movie and implement it in a good storyline with an interesting villain. Imagine my disappointment when all reviews said that this was so much worse than the first movie. Imagine how I felt when I finally watched it. I felt disappointed, I felt betrayed, I felt exposed, I felt discredited and I also felt right back where I was three years ago. Sticking up for an obviously bad movie, which, however, has just so much potential! The symbiote is a joy to watch, Tom Hardy playing a loser is great fun and the buddy-cop/split-personality relationship would work so well if Sony Pictures would just give this franchise a fair chance. Come on Sony! We are already mad at you for being a potential obstacle to Spidey's Avenger membership; give us a Venom movie with some heart.

"Why did I just waste ten minutes reading this disjointed, superficial commentary on three superhero films that I probably already have a much better articulated opinion on?", you may ask. The only explanation I have is that I hadn't posted anything in over four months and you were wondering if during this break I suddenly got better at writing. Well, joke is on you, nothing's changed. But I did miss geeking out and pretending to have an audience, so feel free to keep checking :) .

Stumbled onto Conan’s farewell to late night

 

The word ‘nerd’ means to me that engagement with some form of content is far from casual; it is dedicated and intense. Well, I am a nerd. Be it Harry Potter or Marvel, which frequently come up on this blog, I am never satisfied with having just covered the basics. I know too many Les Miserables lyrics for it to be mere appreciation of the musical and have read too many of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s notes on Hamilton to be simply following the hype. But for the past four years my nerdom has expanded to talk shows, and not just any talk shows, but American late night talk shows. And there has been one late night show that I am happily obsessed with above all others; Conan. And sadly, last week it came to an end.

I wasn’t much aware of Conan until 2016. I had seen some interview clips but had not paid much attention. I, like most people in Greece, had heard of Colbert, Jon Stewart and John Oliver as the more politically engaged commentators. We do like our political comedy here in Greece as it makes us feel smarter. I had enjoyed Jimmy Kimmel’s high status interviews, and didn’t care much for Jimmy Fallon’s celebrity games, but was definitely aware of him. However, a friend at my brother’s wedding gave me a bunch of cool comedy series to watch and on the subject of late night added ‘Oh, I only watch Conan O’Brien, because he is consistently purely funny’. And I ignored him completely, naturally. Then, about a year later, I went through a Benedict Cumberbatch phase where I watched anything he ever said on YouTube in that deep voice and English accent, and through those interviews I stumbled onto his appearances on Conan (tip: it includes a topless Cumbershower). It was just as that friend had said; laugh-out-loud, out-of-time funny. And that was it. It has been four years that people beg me to stop discussing the host, the sketches, the podcast. My friends have given me a daily restriction to bringing it all up. I have received numerous Conan related gifts and people have been genuinely worried about this obsession and I don’t blame them. It is borderline juvenile.

But I don’t care. I have discovered so many comedians, laughed so much at silly things that somehow work and felt such comfort and compassion. And unfortunately for you, these are not just one-off statements; I will elaborate. First of all, that show put comedians first and comedians have put that show first right back. A lot of great comedians cite the show as their starting point, either in the form of a stand-up opportunity, internship or mere inspiration. They had stand-up sets more frequently than any other show and they have pushed and produced comedians without hesitation. And that appreciation that has been flying around Twitter and Instagram by anyone from Bill Hader to John Krasinsky? I get it. I get why they felt like, back in the nineties, ‘Late Night with Conan O’Brien’ felt like a dirty, little secret and revealed a place in the comedy spectrum for new talent to belong. Which brings me to the second reason I loved the show; ‘Silly’ is such a misunderstood word, often confused with ‘dumb’. Silly is so much more related to the complex and peculiar turns our thought process goes through. Silly can be incredibly smart; silly can be ‘Monty Python’ and ‘The Simpsons’. And it is a revelation, or at least it was to me, that silly is far from something to be ashamed of, but incredibly entertaining and, frankly, timeless. The remotes, Clueless Gamer, even the animal expert segments will always be just as funny, whether it is a clip from 1993 or 2021. I do not want to be misunderstood; all this fascination might be mostly associated with the man, Conan O’Brien, but there are the Robert Smiegels and Mike Sweenies and Brian Stacks that wrote mind-blowing, silly sketches (bring back WikiBear). And still do; Brian Stack’s silly influence on ‘The Late Show with Stephen Colbert’ is obvious and very, very necessary. Necessary, because it adds some comical endurance to an otherwise very ‘current’ show, maybe too current.

I have purposely left the last point for a separate paragraph. ‘Comfort’ and ‘Compassion’. This last bit might actually be a tad more ‘Conan O’Brien’ oriented than ‘The Conan Show’. That self-deprecation that Conan features can be met by no other. He will gladly be the butt of the joke and he never seemed hurtful. Comedy is so often confused with insults that to me, an annoyingly polite and discreet person (that might sound like bragging, but those closest to me can attest to its inhibitory effects), it was refreshing to see someone primarily occupied with being kind, being as funny, noteworthy and successful as Conan. I don’t know if anyone else feels comforted and cosy by that thought, but Conan clips have actually got me through very stressful times for that very reason; no one had to suffer for the sake of a joke, the show was a safe space. It is almost unfair to forego Andy Richter at this point, a quick-witted man that was ahead of his time, socially and otherwise. And again, so comfortable in being the sidekick, so confident in his own worth that any tension that ever came out of the show felt scripted. I guess I am saying that other than an excellent comedy show, this frequently felt like an obscene, yet cosy quilt. Hence its need for when my PhD was  downright sucking the life out of me. God knows I hated those hiatuses they went on.

I decided to wrap this up because I realise this is not even remotely funny and probably not of interest to anyone but me. Their late night run is over, though, and this felt like the only appropriate opportunity to write this post of appreciation. I don’t mind having a juvenile, nerdy fascination if it is for celebrities like Conan O’Brien. I don’t know if he is, but from his relationship with his staff, the Reddit threads of fan encounters and from a naïve belief in ‘auras’ or whatever, I feel safe in admiring this particularly silly comedian and missing a daily talk show that got me through a lot. I thank them all for serving that ‘strange phantom intersection between smart and stupid’ and Conan for choosing this following, lovely quote at the lowest of times:

‘Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen’

(I know it has been used to death, but it is a damn good quote)

Stumbled onto cycling

 

There is a saying that we use when we mean to say that something is second nature; ‘it’s like riding a bike’. Supposedly, no matter how many years pass that you have traded in your bike for an exercise-free alternative, you should still be able to ride one without having to put much thought into the process. Naturally, it is a quote I have never understood as I never learnt to ride one.

I am a child of three, the youngest by a large difference and I think bike-riding lessons got kind of lost in the mix. It’s fine, I did learn how to binge watch Friends much earlier than anyone else, a skill that comes in a lot more useful a lot more frequently, I find. But there were instances that my lack of cycling knowledge brought me shame. There was that one time in a national Scouts Gymboree that we were all asked to ride a bike as if it were the most natural thing in the world and I had to fake a sudden cramp; painful enough that I was excused from the task, but not too painful that my bike-capable team mates became concerned. Well, that day I was also the only one out of 20 people to be taken off rowing duty as my rowing actually hindered movement along the river. Therefore, I think no one was suspicious of my cramp because I think they were more preoccupied with how one person’s imbecility outperformed another 19 people. Needless to say, I didn’t stay a Scout too long.

This shame followed me later in life, so I asked friends to teach me how to ride a bike at the age of sixteen. Thankfully, and also curiously, there were three of us in my friend group who similarly did not learn how to cycle at that age that people do, so the ridicule was divided among us. What I learnt better than I learnt to cycle, is that there are some things that you need to learn to do young, before you can imagine scenarios where you either die, become paralysed for life, or laughed at relentlessly by a whole coffee house that just witnessed the bike slide backwards, living you hanging mid-air and eventually dropping to the ground, somehow still holding your bike position, like a cartoon. Once that knowledge is bestowed upon you, it is a lot harder to accept the risk of bike riding. As a result, in this quest for dignity, I acquired a lot of bruises but did not fall a single time (other than the aforementioned example that defies physics); instead I safely dropped the bike onto the ground and it vengefully bruised me all over. Then, for a few years, I accepted that I would never ride a bike, only to be retaught in England as an adult for about a month. But England is cold, so that didn’t flourish much either. But this warm June, at the sweet age of twenty-six, I have decided I will not go another year under these circumstances.

This has admittedly been made easier by the designated cycling lane in my area, which means I am not risking as much as I would have, trying to learn among the cars. Rumour has it that Greek drivers in particular are not very fond of cyclists. As a Greek driver myself, I can attest to that; bastards slow us down. Our cycling lane is not without its difficulties though. While there are clear bicycle signs drawn onto the lane at various points, pedestrians have somehow claimed the space as their own. They take long, wide strolls and when I say ‘wide’, I mean taking advantage of the whole width of the lane. The bike that I have borrowed from my mom’s friend’s grandson (I am really short) doesn’t have a bell, so I resort to yell, politely, for people to move out of the way. But politeness has not been very effective for many reasons. First of all, I am not known for my loud voice. Or so said pedestrians complain. Secondly, most carefree strollers wear headphones just to make sure that I crash onto them. As I do. Pedestrians are at least quite safe to crash into. My real trouble is at the points where I need to cross the street. I usually wait until there is a sufficient gap between cars to get off my safety lane and cross. However, drivers frequently assume I can manage this cross with ease and gesture me to go ahead while they wait, presumably, for a couple of moments. I am not saying their assumption is groundless; I am over twelve years old, as far as they are concerned I should be able to do so. However, my limited experience in keeping my balance on top a thin metal pole balancing on two wheels and my emergent performance anxiety quickly have drivers regretting those decisions. I swear, I could be doing just fine while on the bike lane and the moment I feel pressured into cycling I turn into Niles and Frasier in that episode they too learnt to cycle as adults. Pedals don’t work, the bike is moving from side to side like a pendulum and I am internally cursing that I happened amongst kind drivers rather than bastards who wouldn't waste a moment to let me pass.

I doubt I will ever travel around Scotland with a bike or do a triathlon, but it would be nice to go pick up something nearby with my bike instead of walking. Not because it would be much faster, or less strenuous. Definitely not less strenuous. But just because if I ever run into anyone from that Gymboree, I will erase any doubt in their mind that I faked that cramp. What if I am not the only person obsessing over this tiny detail sixteen years later?

Stumbled onto body hair

 

This could be a very literal post, where I just stumbled onto a big pile of body hair. Not even mine, fur balls are body hair and if you have seen our Newfoundland at another post, you would know that these are real safety hazards. 

Nonetheless, I do mean body hair in human women, something oddly controversial. This is what dominated the Greek press for the previous week; Kamala Harris’ step-daughter, Ella Emhoff, posted a photo with her armpit hair visibly showing. Triggered by this a, now infamous, young woman went after this whole ‘trend’ of ‘not falling into an endless shame spiral if, God forbid, you have not shaved your body to the point that it looks like baby skin’. Thankfully, the majority of Greek media and the internet condemned this view; unfortunately I don’t think she was trying to convince any one of those that disagreed. Instead, we have taken a page out of the US politics book and it seems that some people make a career by opposing a majority just to gain very vocal minority to support them. And it works.

The video she posted on her private Instagram account characterised pictures of body hair and cellulite and stretch marks as ‘disgusting’ ad ‘disturbing’ and wondered why she had to be subjected to such images just because someone else wanted to share them. On Instagram. Let me say this again. Someone on Instagram objected to seeing what other people deemed postable. On Instagram. I saw someone’s penis on an Instagram story not two weeks ago. I saw someone’s sunkissed toes. I still haven’t decided which one I hated more, but these are the sort of risks you take when you want to be on the platform. Actually, I think one of these images is legally banned, you know, because of all the perverts with foot fetishes.

She then decided that demonising the very natural appearance of a woman’s body would maybe not get enough traction and decided to extend her argument to include gender fluidity. More specifically, she expressed her worry that men wearing makeup and women wearing baggy clothes were a threat to our culture and life as we know it.  I was debating what to comment on here; would it be worth mentioning that if our ‘culture’ and ‘life as we know it’ is restricting anyone’s freedom of expression, maybe it is worth threatening it right out of existence? Or would it be preferable to mention that in the list of threats to life as we know it, makeup and baggy clothes should probably be further down the line? I, for one, am much more worried about our simultaneous overreliance and abuse on robots; should they become sentient, I think that is when life as we know will definitely be threatened (I have started rewatching Westworld).

This obviously got people all stirred up because of the blunt discrimination and absurdity of the video. This excitement got television involved and said lady appeared on a morning show to clarify her statement. She said that she did not object to the existence of these imperfections, nor suggested that should you have them, photographs are off limits to you. And for that I thank her, cause I got worried there for a while; what with my enlarged pores and sun damage? I mean a have a few moles too, what headshot would I put up on LinkedIn if nowhere else? She refined her statement to say that she objects to the glorification of said imperfections as it takes away from the feminist battle of proving our worth. Those imperfections that were characterised as disgusting and disturbing, it’s not that she dislikes them, as demonstrated by these adjectives; it’s just that she is a feminist. And what is more feminist than thinking a less-than-perfect appearance diminishes one’s worth. Basically, she tried to shift the argument towards ‘people are focusing on external appearance, a commonly female issue, rather than actions’ as if one excludes the other and if one makes a statement with their appearance instead of changing a tire, they are a traitor to the sex. It’s like my mother’s spinach pie; it might be the tastiest thing I have ever encountered but she did COOK it wearing a bra and everything. I wouldn’t eat that thing even if the patriarchy paid me to. The same patriarchy, by the way, that does not prefer baggy clothes on women but does on makeup-less men. But it is true that our ‘culture’ and ‘way of life’ currently includes endless filters, retouches and unrealistic beauty standards and these are threatened by such images. She was right about that. What can we next expect; teenagers growing up with more confidence and self-love? The horror.

This refinement bothered me so much more than the original statement, because as one of the presenters said it seemed ‘more understandable’, therefore defendable. But it really isn’t. It was simply phrased in more careful wording so people could back her up saying she was originally misinterpreted. There is nothing misinterpreted about misogyny though, nothing misinterpreted about trying to enforce traditional beauty standards to those that do not feel represented by them. The refinement bothered me so much that it knocked my predesigned pleasant, corny attempts at jokes right out of this post and it just ended up being me rage typing. You can tell when I am rage typing because I use the quote sign ‘’ a million times per sentence. And yes, let me be the first to recognise that as this is not pop-culture related, but more to do with Greek current events, I could have written it up in Greek like a sensible person. But let me also be the first to recognise that such a post would have lost all credibility, if only for the grammar mistakes. And if you are thinking ‘what credibility?’, well, that of a coherent text, at the very least.

Stumbled onto the Friends reunion

 

It feels like we hear about a Friends reunion every couple of years and every time it turns out to be a rumour or a half-assed publicity stunt, with maybe five out of the six friends present. This last one got an HBO announcement, a lot of buzz and the entire main cast signing on. I was almost as excited as Matt LeBlanc looked during the special. I think we were all hoping for a reunion movie, or even an episode, where we would get the actual characters rather than their celebrity counterparts. Because as much as I love Lisa Kudrow since learning she is Conan O’Brien’s ex (which makes too much sense), I wanted to see Regina Phalange. But that is the thing; we would all tune in even if they spent 110 minutes staring at a wall.

I think it has been already commented on plenty, but oh my god, the Botox shared among these six people could kill a baby jaguar. I think it is interesting that Lisa Kudrow, who I think was frequently overlooked in comparison to the other two beauty icons, has aged the best. Or had the best surgery, anyway. Courteney Cox has frequently spoken out about how her plastic surgeries had went overboard and she is actually trying to damage control the situation, but Aniston is in similar turmoil as far as I am concerned. She is sporting the ‘I’m allergic to shellfish, but love me some good shrimp’ look. David Schwimmer and Matthew Perry too. It might just be me but I even think that their speech is a bit off from all the deceased nerves in their faces. What worries me is that these are rich, famous, powerful people and that is the best surgery money could buy; what am I to expect from my own inevitable plastic surgery? One might expect that their very result would put me off, but I am aware of how much I frown and me and said frown have another ten years, at best, before we call it quits. The best looking one is Matt LeBlanc and I think it is those couple of extra kilos Aniston teased him about. We have a saying in my family, that growing up means making a choice between your butt and your face; only one of the two can look youthful. LeBlanc has gone for face and I think that is the best course, really. Plus you get to eat more. Also, while we got guest appearances from Gunther to the barbershop quartet that Ross sent to Rachel’s office once, Paul Rudd was curiously missing. I’m taking bets for which cast member vetoed the unaging actor. My money is on Aniston. These are all cheap shots; of course they grew old and they didn't owe any of us to look great forever. 

One thing that was a bit disappointing is how much the stars did not remember. And I don’t mean the crazy stuff me and my grammar-Nazi friend reference to one another, I mean Mr Heckles. Jennifer Aniston did not remember his name. He had a cameo in Breaking Bad and I am pretty sure his name was still Mr Heckles in sunny Albuquerque. And let’s say that you are as successful as Aniston and have every right to not remember everything Friends-related at any given moment; have a read through a cheat sheet before the special. I am sure they were paid good money for it. I would say that another possibility is just that they were pretending not to remember, but if those table reads showed us anything is that the casts’ best acting days were behind them. Why am I so bitter, anyway?

Was it particularly worth watching then? I mean there were some slightly unnecessary guest appearances in the form of a fashion show and one very unnecessary appearance in the form of James Corden throughout the thing. Why James Corden? Literally anyone else would be better suited, at the very least in terms of nationality. There was one revelation that was worth the time though; apparently Aniston and Schwimmer were actually in love during those first seasons, which probably helped their on-screen chemistry as the famous ‘will they, won’t they’ couple. Now, we were told it never formulated into anything else and no one else indulged, but to be fair, it is not as if we can fact check any of them. Unless one of them loses all their money and writes a tell-all autobiography. This time, my money is on Matthew Perry. I would read it too; I love the Matthew Perry.

I sound very negative towards the whole thing, but truth be told, I cried about five times, laughed a lot more and will now surely start rewatching Friends (I’ve actually already done this by the time this was posted). This sitcom is a moment in pop culture history, it unites and comforts us and is still pretty darn funny. I know some jokes feel outdated and offensive, but I think anyone not looking for trouble can see that it was all well intended. Friends feel exactly like friends and that is what gets us fans to tune in endless reruns as well as 110 minutes of James Corden trying to be funny.